Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Too Much?

I've heard these words often in the past 10-ish days. As in, "Oh, Rachel, that's too much. Hasn't your family been through enough?" I'm not sure how to reply because, you know, things could always be worse.

So you're probably wondering why I've heard those words. Well, a few hours after TOIAW, Sunshine, and I left after Thanksgiving, my mom had what they thought was a stroke. It turns out she has a mass in her brain that is likely a tumor. She's out of the hospital and home now. Sunshine and I have moved back to take care of her. We were planning on moving here in mid-January but those plans were bumped up. We won't know much until the first week in January (at least we hope we won't...if we know something before then, it's unlikely to be anything good). We cancelled our family trip to Disney World. My mom was going to go with all her grandchildren but we'll still be together. Dealing with the doctors is insanely frustrating.

I'm so very, very scared but this is the only time of day I allow myself to admit it. Every night I wonder if she goes into her room and is as scared and alone as I am. I sure do miss my dad but I don't really let myself go there because the one time I did, I realized she must miss him infinitely more than I do. Being a grown up really stinks sometimes.

Please, don't take my mom. I think it really would be too much.