Friday, October 14, 2011

Issues

I has 'em.

Prior to TOIAW's next "big" assignment, he will need to complete some training in the D.C. area. We'll be there for about a year. I've known for several months that we would likely be living there but ever since I found out that's the next stop on the JWIAW Family's world tour, it's a different story. I've had several mini-panic attacks in the past 36 hours. I think of a place we visited--either frequently or just once--and then I think, "I was pregnant when I was there," or, "I was sad when I was there," and sometimes it's both. To be frank, it's awful. I cried today during the bubble time at Sunshine's music class. The wonder in her eyes as she watched the bubbles was so sweet and I just began crying but it wasn't because of the sweetness of the moment (which is what the other moms thought, I think), it was because I missed Sarah so much at that moment. I wanted both of my babies there...

Surprisingly, I don't have many of these moments. I think about Sarah, talk about her, miss her, and [often] cry every day but it's not in the same way as it has been the past 36 hours. I guess this makes sense and, considering the fact that it made me cry to see Michelle Obama shop at the same Target where I shopped for Sarah and went to buy waterproof mascara the night before her memorial service, none of this should be a shock to me. But it was. I hate it when grief blindsides me like that. It should wear a bell so I can hear it coming.

2 comments:

AKD said...

It is amazing how you can be going along pretty okay... And then get hit by a truck.

twohotmamas said...

♥ ♥ ♥