Monday, August 22, 2011

Shocked.

*EDITED TO ADD*
I know this post doesn't really make sense. In an effort to be respectful, I left out a lot. Also, I know my feelings are so unimportant in the scheme of things. I was just trying to say that this news really hit me hard which surprised me.

One of the reasons I stopped blogging was some news I received when Sunshine was just a few days old. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was driving to pick-up TOIAW from a late class when he called and told me one of his former colleagues had died during a deployment. I recall thinking that was an odd way to phrase a war casualty because most people would say the soldier was killed. At the same time, I was hit with a wave of emotions--namely guilt--because, to be completely honest, I never liked the guy. Then TOIAW blurted out another detail that shocked me to my core: he had killed himself. We were both stunned for days. I wanted to blog about it--just so I could process the information--but it just didn't seem right. Similarly, I tried to write an email his commander's wife but even in my overly emotional post-partum state I knew it wasn't appropriate because, although she is a sweet friend and would never tell me it's none of my business, it really isn't my business and it's certainly not something she could discuss. I still think about him and I wonder why.


3 comments:

twohotmamas said...

AKD said...

That must have been so hard for you. Huge grief like what his wife had felt - you know that grief, but in a different way, so it would be a little hard to relate.

The Gutsy Mom said...

I think about a similar incident (or it may be the same one) quite frequently myself. I mostly feel terrible for the remaining family who must live with this shock along with the dishonorable stigma applied, rightly or wrongly, to this type of death by our husbands' employer.