Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Feelings

Yesterday afternoon/evening and today have been really rough and I'm not even sure why. The most obvious reason would probably be that I had some sharp round ligament-like pains yesterday which, when combined with the [nearly] omnipresent cerclage pulls, tugs, and twinges, are never good for my psyche. Then there's the issue of my frail psyche who was feeling lonely and sorry for itself. Even though TOIAW works from home as much as he can, he's nearly always studying and while it's awesome to have him here "just in case," he's not much of a companion. So when he came down last night for a study break and I told him what I was feeling (physically) and he kind of laughed and said something like, "It's always something!" I dissolved in tears. He wasn't being a jerk; he was trying to make light of the situation. But it's NOT FUNNY when all you do ALL DAY LONG is lie (or is it lay? I never remember) around and FEEL everything.

I've done some very unscientific experiments to prove that the vast majority of the things I feel are innocuous (I mean sure, bad things could be going on in there but the likelihood of me feeling them like I think I'm feeling them is not very high). For instance, if I'm having cramps and I get up to go to the bathroom, I rarely notice them and they usually disappear by the time I get back to the couch/bed. The same is true with most of the twinges I feel. If I get up or change positions, it usually alleviates the problem which would lead me to believe it's not so much of a problem but that never stops me from worrying. The same is true for when I think I feel pressure and, even though I'm not an expert in physics, I'm pretty sure that pressure would be magnified when standing up as opposed to reclining. Granted, I could go into my appointment tomorrow and have my worst fears confirmed but the truth is I've had nearly all these "feelings" for 5.5 weeks now and there has yet to be a correlation between them and what's happening inside.

Speaking of my appointment, I both dread it and look forward to it. It's so twisted. And I don't know which version of my doctor is going to show up on any given day. The somewhat optimistic one or the compassionate, give-me-a-hug-and-a-you're-a-nice-couple-who-doesn't-deserve-this-speech-and-I'm-so-sorry one.

On a completely different note, if you need any information on Massachusetts or New Hampshire political races, please let me know. Most of my knowledge is based on commercials and debates although I have done the odd web search just to satisfy my own curiosity. And, because I clearly have way too much time on my hands, I've even reached out to the campaigns of 2 different candidates from own party to tell them I think their ads are arrogant and hostile and I cannot possibly see how they could be beneficial (on any level). All that did was get me on their email distribution lists. I've never run a political campaign but it would seem to me that the most effective strategy would be to promote yourself rather than trashing your opponent. If retailers did that we would be outraged. Can you imagine a Target commercial where all they did was trash Wal-Mart for 30 seconds? Would that entice you to shop there? Yet we allow it in politics because that's "just the way it is." I hope the elections in your area are more civil.

Okay, enough procrastination on my editing work. It's very interesting to edit papers on topics about which I know nothing. Who really needs to read 7-8 pages on the assimilation of mountain cultures as it pertains to the frontier expansion of Russia and China? Not me.

7 comments:

N said...

I have nothing to base it on, but I'd also think that the pressure would be worse when you stand.

Hoping that the appointment tomorrow brings good news. <3

Tracy said...

Been there, done that. Analyzing EVERYTHING and praying it's nothing (or normal.) Also the dreading/anticipation of doctors' appointments.

Looking forward to a good report tomorrow.

Nick and Kristi said...

I hear you on the bedrest issue...When you have time to sit and just notice every little thing it makes it kind of hard to not worry....And there is so much you can do to distract yourself...Anyway you are not alone...And I think sometimes the Hubs mine included does not really know how hard it is to lay around most of the day...I am glad that I have been able to do some short trips to get some things done other than Dr. but no where like how I used to run around...But it will all be worth it:) Just some apprectiation would be nice!!!

tasivfer said...

Sorry you're so lonely. And it's impossible not to overanalyse everything, so I assure you you're sane. (Well, as sane as anyone in your situation!)

((HUGS))

areyoukiddingme said...

Boredom and anxiety can easily translate into loneliness and feeling sorry for yourself - both well earned feelings, in your case, I'd say. But you're doing a good job of maintaining stability - keep up the good work. Now to think of some ways to distract yourself...Origami? Putting on puppet shows (the back of the couch always makes for a good stage)? Counting arm hairs? :)

Regarding your political ads, apparently research shows that the negative ads are more memorable and therefore more effective than positive ads. But if you ask people, they would prefer not to see them. That's what makes our political process so annoying right now.

Good luck at your appointment...

Marie W said...

Bedrest was horrible for me - I won't lie. I was home by myself and even though I tried to break up my day (reading then watching tv, then knitting, then doing puzzles...) it was still tough. The bedrest and boredom also increased my fears and anxiety.
I had a mantra I would tell myself every time I got scared; "I am doing all I can, the rest is up to God".

My dr. did tell me though that sitting is better than standing, and laying down is better than sitting. When I got tired of sitting down, I laid in the recliner.
I hope you get some good news at the appointment today! Keeping you in prayer!

AKD said...

I was really lucky to be able to work from home while on bedrest. So, while that kept me busy and helped me to stop thinking about twinges/symptoms/pain quite a bit, it didn't stop it altogether. You just notice every little thing when you're lying down, whether it's good or bad!

You've been in my prayers daily, and I keep wanting more updates. Please keep me updated on how things are going!