Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Harsh Realities

It seems my house is not going to unpack itself. Bummer. Also, we did not get a self-cleaning house. Double bummer. And if all that wasn't enough, TOIAW and I are shopping for furniture which is so frustrating I'm considering hiring a mediator to go with us on our next fact finding mission. Because looking is all we seem to do--well, that and bickering about budget and style--and it seems we're light years away from purchasing anything. It's been loads of fun.

I've been here one week today. I saw my doctor last Monday and he cleared me for travel so I bought a ticket for the next day and got here as fast as I could. Our house is nice, the area where we live is gorgeous, and I've lined up highly rated doctors so it stands to reason that there would be something to bring me back to reality. That something is Nausea. I have been so freaking sick since I've been here. Yesterday I was in the left lane on a 4-lane interstate and managed to pull over just in time to use the tissue box TOIAW shoved in my direction. We littered because he is a weak, weak man and didn't want it in the car with us. I had a nightmare I was arrested for littering bodily fluids which, in my dream at least, carries a very stiff penalty in Massachusetts.

I desperately want to cook but that hasn't happened yet unless you count the rotisserie chicken, potato wedges (frozen), and salad I served once last week. I desperately want to get the things we have put away before we receive the last shipment but the execution of that plan isn't going so well. I probably could have done some stuff today but we went furniture shopping again and now I've reached the witching hour of nausea.

One day I'll be a good (or at least adequate) wife again...right?

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Uterus Had a Vote

So...I'm still in Oklahoma and TOIAW is at our new house in MA. "What happened?" you ask.

Thursday was full of last-minute packing, errands, and a final doctor's appointment before we were departed. And a nice plan it was. Before TOIAW began his military diplomat career, he spent most of his army time as a planner. Among these planning types there is a saying that the enemy gets a vote meaning you can plan all you want but the other side might not allow you to execute your plan exactly how you, well, planned. On Thursday, my uterus had a vote as to how we carried out our plans.

I had been a little on edge all morning which may or may not have had anything to do with me finding a few more items to take after TOIAW had packed the car to his crazy OCD packing standards. This caused us to be late leaving the house and there was a train and a woman who ran a red light and by the time I arrived, I was a little on edge. TOIAW dropped me off at the door and went to park the car. I first felt what I assumed was gas pain as I was walking into the office and I had to stop it was so intense. I made it in and sat down and just as TOIAW walked in, it happened again. I walked back to the bathroom and I must have looked bad because the nurse asked me if I was okay. Then I heard myself say, "I'm either having bad gas pain or contractions." What? I was quickly ushered into a room and TOIAW was retrieved. As Murphy's Law would have it, I had the worst ultrasound tech I've ever had in this practice. She first measured my cervix and said it was fine but when I asked her what it was last time she said she didn't know. Then look it up! It was in your office! And then she did look it up and quickly closed my chart. Uhhh, did you see what it was last week? Yes. And? It was 4 cm then and it's 3 cm now. Oh. But 3 cm is still good. Ouch! Is that a contraction? I don't know; there's no way to tell. Can you please show me the baby's heartbeat? I want to see the baby!

She then switched to the abdominal ultrasound which showed the baby who had a great heartbeat and measured right on schedule. I so wanted to find solace in that but with the pain I was experiencing, I couldn't. And the ultrasound hurt because my abdomen was really tender. I was super scared. The tech left and after a few minutes she stuck her head in and said I could get dressed because the doctor had seen the pictures. I knew then he was going to send me over to the hospital for anti-contraction meds which is exactly what he did. He came in and examined me and was puzzled by the abdominal tenderness but wanted to give me the meds as well as more anti-inflammatory in case it was somehow related to the cerclage. TOIAW and I walked over to the hospital and after I walked I felt a little better. I never had any more of the intense pains after that even though it took quite awhile before the meds were administered. This certainly lends credence to the gas pains theory but there's no way to know. After a couple of hours I was sent back to the doctor's office where he gave me a script for the terbutaline and the anti-inflammatory med and told me to call him the next day.

I came home and rested (and cried because I really didn't want TOIAW to do the drive alone and, probably, because it had been such an emotional day). My abdomen slowly felt better and I rested well but when I woke-up in the morning I had moderate period-like cramping. It lasted most of the day and even though I know it's normal I really wanted it to go away. Finally, sometime in the late afternoon, it did. Hallelujah! I was off all medications and feeling normal!

I planned (there's that word again) on waking up Saturday and going to the farmer's market with my mom and returning emails. HA! I was so nauseous yesterday I kept nothing down. Nothing. Fortunately, I didn't have any more cramping but the pressure from vomiting did cause a few twinges. All in all, however, it was actually a relief as compared to the previous two days.

I have another appointment Monday morning and after that I'll decide what I'm going to do. I refuse to make advance plans!

TOIAW made it to MA safely and this morning he received the first of 3 shipments of our stuff. Both he and the dogs fared well despite driving 1,000+ miles yesterday. I cannot even imagine how miserable it would have been to drive with him yesterday so it was probably all for the best (except the freaking out parts). I can't wait to join him and get settled in!

In the meantime, I'm just going to relax. I cannot help but think that that the stress of the day led to what happened and it was a huge wake-up call for me. I must do my best to stay calm. Only 26 days, 4 weeks left.

P.S. The next person who tells me I'm now in my second trimester and should be over my nausea might get kicked in the teeth.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Change O' Plans

Don't freak out but we've had a change of plans that now includes me driving to Boston with TOIAW. I hope I don't regret this...

I've just never been comfortable with him driving 28 hours alone (except the dogs which is just added stops and responsibility) and my doctor doesn't have a problem with it so I'm going to go for it. We're going to take it slowly and if I need to stop, we'll stop whether it be for an hour for me to lay down in the back or for the night so I can sleep in a bed. I'm mainly worried about the nausea but I know flying would have been miserable because I often get sick on planes (although I got used to it when I was a flight attendant; weird, I know). Also, I was very concerned about lifting my luggage and making a tight connection.

I guess I'm ready to move but I wish I was going to arrive at a house already unpacked and fully set-up...and I wish I could take my family and doctor with me! I'm just praying I find the right doctor for me. Tomorrow I have my last appointment in Oklahoma. I'm so sad to be leaving my doctor here!

Sorry, I planned on writing more but all of the sudden I'm really tired. I've been going to bed very early. I hope TOIAW will be okay driving tomorrow night with a sleeping wife and puppies in the car!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Baby Gates, Injuries, and Moving

I'm 2 days post-cerclage and feeling great! The IV and the numbing medication for the spinal were the worst parts with the former being far worse than the latter and I have 5 bruises to prove it. TOIAW refers to the cerclage as a baby gate. I hope it keeps the little one in there for another 35ish weeks ;)

I did NOT like the spinal anesthesia AT ALL--hated the lack of feeling, hated how long it took for my lower body to "wake-up," and I especially hated the shivering that came along with it. The actual cerclage, however, went very well (from what they tell me) and that's the most important thing now, isn't it? I had some cramping the rest of the day Saturday but the spotting was minimal to say the least. All in all, it was FAR better than I anticipated and I am so grateful for that!

Unfortunately, TOIAW is not faring so well with health issues. He arrived in Oklahoma with a stiff neck that pretty much stayed the same all week until it begain migrating down his back the past couple of days. He's in pain which is impeding his sleep so you can imagine how less than thrilled I am about him leaving today to drive to Boston. With my dogs. Three of the most important people in my life will be in that car...with a driver who can barely turn his head. I'm trying to talk him into going to staying another day, seeing a doctor, and admitting that he's no longer the younger version of himself who could carry a 100+ pound ruck sack for miles and miles up and down the hills of Georgia. I would settle for the first two, though. I even promised him that if he stays another day I will go to Best Buy with him and stay as long as he wants without complaint.

It looks like I'm going to get my way (and then some, maybe) because he just found out that our household goods are not going to be delivered until the end of next week*. Living in an empty house sans proper doggy fencing would be rather interesting but probably not a positive experience. Not that I would want to sit in an empty house alone for a week either. The good news is I will be there next Tuesday and we can sit in the empty house together. Oh, the joys of moving! Oh, the joys of having TOIAW and my puppies here with me for at least another day!

*At this point, I'll take a delay any way it comes. Well, not any way but you know what I mean.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

NT Scan

On Monday I had a little spotting so I called my doctor's office and was able to move my appointment from Thursday to Tuesday. The spotting turned out--thankfully--to be just a tiny bit but I was happy to have an earlier appointment.

Baby looked great on the ultrasound...just moving and grooving and doing his/her thing! Actually, the ultrasound tech gave us her best gender guess but the doctor said it was too early for him to tell so I won't be making any announcements just yet. Anyway, the nuchal fold measurement is within the normal range and we saw two arms and two legs and although she mentioned a few other things I cannot remember them (although two brain hemispheres and bladder do come to mind now that I think about it). We have the ultrasound on DVD so if you're in our neck of the woods and want to stop by, we'll throw it on. Ultrasound DVDs are the new vacation photo slide shows.

So the cerclage is scheduled for Saturday morning at 8:00. I have to be there at 6:00--yikes! For those of you who know what this means, my doctor does a McDonald cerclage with spinal anesthesia. I hadn't really thought much about it until last night when I began Googling it right before bed and then I got a little freaked out. [Angie, I will be emailing you with some questions!] But I do feel better that I'm having a preventative cerclage rather than an emergent one and the risk of infection is much lower now than if I had one earlier.

Oh, and I haven't even mentioned that TOIAW is here! He got in Sunday much to my and the dogs' delight! I've been sick every day since he's been here but--with the exception of yesterday--I've been able to get out and do some things. I don't think he's developed a complete understanding of how I'm feeling but he seems to be a bit more sympathetic. Tonight he's planned a romantic (ha!) evening at the hotel where we got married.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Still Here. Still Sick.

I can tell I'm beginning to feel better some times of the day but afternoons continue to be very rough. I've all but given up on the medication because it doesn't seem to make a difference (I've done comparison days). No matter what I do, I still vomit 1-2 times a day. Some days more...much more. Again, not complaining (right now, at least), just letting you know why I'm so uncharacteristically quiet. I try my best not to feel sorry for myself. If I do, it usually ends in a I-miss-Sarah-and-my-dad meltdown.

There is a family friend who has been sick since right after my dad died. He was in the hospital for 6+ weeks due to colon issues and ended up having surgery which resulted in complications including pneumonia and an infection that was diagnosed as MRSA a couple of weeks ago. He's lost over 60lbs. In short, he's been through hell. I often think of him when I'm feeling bad and that often leads me to think of people who face pain/illness every day for years. It reminds me of one of my favorite Psalms:

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills--
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip--
He who watches over you will not slumber;

Indeed, He who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you--
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm--
He will watch over your life;

The Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.