Saturday, July 17, 2010

Not Positive

I'm still spotting. Initially this morning I was positive because the blood was mostly brown but by mid-morning there was more and it was bright red. I also had some pelvic pain/pressure that concerned me. I decided to go to the ER but I called the doctor first and she offered to have her partner see me tomorrow morning so I'm going with that option. We talked for about 15 minutes and went over several possibilities of the pain but she said she's not concerned about me being in medical danger which is why I opted for the appointment tomorrow.

Since this morning the spotting as lessened but it's still there every time I go to the bathroom. It never has been heavy enough to be on a pad but that's really of little comfort to me. The pain has also diminished but it's still there and I remember have similar pains with my second miscarriage.

As you might be able to tell, I don't have a lot of hope. I'm giving myself a 20% chance of a positive outcome so I'm preparing myself for the worst...how I will tell TOIAW, wondering if the RE does D&Cs, what kind of job I might get in Boston, how/if/when/where we might try again.

So, yeah, if positive thinking is what's going to get me through this, I'm screwed.

1 comment:

AKD said...

I'm going to keep praying for you that tomorrow morning is a great appointment. Can they check your HCG levels while you're there (and maybe again in a few days) to make sure they're still in good ranges? I know doctors don't usually take blood samples, but I was just curious if it's something they could do that was further diagnosis.

I'm truly hoping that this is just blood displaced from placental attachment. I'm glad it's slowing down, but you have every right to feel whatever you need. You've been through a ton, and I think "preparing [your]self" is super-natural (even when there's NOT cause for concern). I know that I "prepare myself" for everything, since it feels like it would hurt less than the horrible surprises. Please don't hesitate to let me know if you need to talk, Rachel - I know these next several hours will be difficult.