Friday, July 30, 2010

Tired.

Between PP and the baby, I spent nearly 3.5 hours with doctors yesterday. Good news: Both are doing well. [Actually, PP is doing okay but she does have a nasty skin infection on her ear, bless her heart.] The baby continues to look good despite tiny amounts of continued spotting. We even got to see some wiggling yesterday which was fun!

I go back in 2 weeks for the nuchal tranlucency screening and then I'll get the cerclage a few days later. Thankfully, TOIAW will be here with me then.

But I am so tired. I want to go back to sleep right now but I have to get ready for a dentist appointment. Maybe I can sleep while I'm getting my teeth cleaned?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Current Events with Rachel

Alternate title: Rachel's Rants

SPC Bradley Manning, 22, is a person of interest in the case of approximately 1 billion pages of leaked classified material. It has been reported that he was "disgruntled." Oh my gravy, disgruntled at 22?! Dude has a long life ahead of him.

Arizona's immigration law will go into effect tomorrow. I'm not going to step into the thick of it but I will say this: Think what you want about undocumented immigrants but there's no reason to be hateful about it. You never know, all that hate may be why Arizona's governor has the skin of a prune. Then again she could have just spent too much time in the sun but are you willing to risk it? DON'T HATE!!!

In November, Oklahoma will elect it's first female governor. I'm so proud! I believe both candidates would do a good job, but I must betray my political affiliation and pledge my vote to the other party's candidate. I really like her. And from what I can tell she obviously uses appropriate amounts of sunscreen.

I heard this today on Fresh Air. I greatly admire this man for being courageous enough to share his beliefs despite the consequences.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Nesting

I'm really excited about our new house. We had some drama deciding which house to choose but in the end we went with an older house even though it's smaller. The benefits are it has hardwood floors, a nice yard, and it's $950 a month cheaper than the new homes. This was worth foregoing a bigger kitchen, fiber optic cable and internet, a laundry room on the main floor, an attached garage, and hours of carpet cleaning. I might be crazy...but $950? Since I won't have to do any entertaining (I can if I want, but it's not necessary for TOIAW's job) I decided to take the money and run. I've known several people with more than one child who have lived in similar military housing and haven't gotten any money back so I think we're doing pretty well. Besides, basement laundry builds character. And muscles. And while I'm pregnant TOIAW will do all the carrying anyway.

The house is quite charming and I'm so excited to decorate it. We took very few things to the MC and even though we had beautiful furnishings, it never felt very homey. I'm ready to have my stuff -- and hopefully some new stuff to go with it -- and settle in for 17 months. This is where I once again point out that this will be the longest we have ever lived in one house. I might even make some casseroles.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Perfect

That's what the MFM said about the baby. He's not concerned about the bleeding. He explained why and what he thinks it is but all I remember is it has something to do with the placenta. I had the same ultrasound tech today as I did Monday and she said the sac looked better today because the fluid she saw around it on Monday is no longer there.

Sorry to sound indifferent because I'm not but I am super sick. I've hardly kept anything down yesterday and today. I got a script for Zofran today and it might be helping a little. Also, I'm tired. I wish I had more energy to write this post but I'm so thankful I'm relaxed enough to sleep again.

More good news of the day: I was graduated to the abdominal ultrasound. No more undressing from the waist down!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

More

The spotting had nearly stopped and then, two hours ago, BAM! it was back again. Bright red and not a small amount (and although it hasn't really gotten on the pad I'm wearing, I'm checking it obsessively so it might not have a chance) with a small clot. All this is making me weary...I'm not sure how much longer I can continue to believe everything is going to be okay because I KNOW this is not normal and bleeding during pregnancy is never a good thing.

When I made it through the night and morning with no more red blood I assumed it was because I didn't take my Lovenox (blood thinner) shot last night. I thought we were onto something and was starting to think we were done with it. Au contraire. Now I'm wondering if I should try to see the doctor again tomorrow or wait until Thursday or if any of this will even be an issue because what if I start bleeding heavier and begin a full miscarriage?

I've been so very tired today and all I want to go is go to bed and wake-up tomorrow and not have to deal with anything but a normal pregnancy.

Monday, July 19, 2010

You Had Me At 'Hello'

I think I'm in love with my MFM's practice. They don't think I'm crazy. In fact, the doctor told me I am smart. I don't know what that has to do with anything but I liked it.

Thankfully, everything still looks good as far as the baby is concerned and an exam showed my cervix is long and closed. We had a long discussion about the cost benefit of Lovenox now that I'm spotting. If there is any more red blood, I will discontinue it at least until my appointment Thursday. I really appreciated his holistic approach rather than just looking at the baby and pronouncing everything to be fine (not that I don't like the RE's office because they're wonderful also; they're just not high-risk OBs).

One of the things I appreciated most was that both the ultrasound technician and the doctor actually READ my file before seeing me. This probably sounds insignificant but there have been so many times in the past 4 years where I have spent not a short amount of time filling out medical history questionnaire only to have the doctor ask me my history. For one thing, why did I have to fill that out and, for another, have you thought that maybe it's difficult for me to discuss without getting emotional?

I know I'm rambling but I'm tired, hot, and nauseous. I just wanted to write a quick update so no one gets nervous. I'm the only one around here who's allowed to be panicky.

They Would Have Figured it Out Eventually

This morning I called the MFM (perinatologist/high risk OB for those of you who don't understand my lingo) to see if I could move up my Thursday appointment to Wednesday...or Tuesday afternoon. No appointments were available but I was transferred to the nurse (without being asked; I promise I wasn't being pushy). I explained to her that I was spotting but I had a completely normal ultrasound yesterday so I was mainly looking for more (quicker?) reassurance. She put me on hold and said that my doctor's partner is at their new office today (in a different city but only about 30-40 minutes drive) and has some appointments available so I could see him if I'd like. I hesitated...I mean how many ultrasounds can I have in the span of four days? But as she correctly pointed out I'm not going to feel better until the spotting stops and maybe a better ultrasound machine and/or a pregnancy specialist, as opposed to a fertility specialist, can shed a little more light on the situation. Granted, there is little chance I will know any more afterwards than I do now but hopefully I'll get to see that cute little heart fluttering away again.

I was hoping this office wouldn't know what a paranoid crazy I am but I suppose it was only a matter of time before they figured it out.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I Guess That's Why I'm Not an Oddsmaker

Despite my 20% chance that all was well with the Little One, all is well with the Little One. I saw my doctor's partner and he did a thorough ultrasound where all looked normal but there still does not appear to be a source of the bleeding. He was not concerned about the amount he saw on the ultrasound wand and it has diminished in quantity so that's good.

As soon as I saw the flicker of the heartbeat--even before the doctor mentioned it--I closed my eyes and said a prayer of thanksgiving. Many more have been said since then!

So that's all I know for now. I have an appointment with the MFM on Thursday and I really hope there are no incidents before then. I'm going to go rest now because I had a rough evening and night due to extreme nausea (it's back with a vengence and I was too nervous to take my medicine) and, if I'm honest, equally extreme paranoia.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Not Positive

I'm still spotting. Initially this morning I was positive because the blood was mostly brown but by mid-morning there was more and it was bright red. I also had some pelvic pain/pressure that concerned me. I decided to go to the ER but I called the doctor first and she offered to have her partner see me tomorrow morning so I'm going with that option. We talked for about 15 minutes and went over several possibilities of the pain but she said she's not concerned about me being in medical danger which is why I opted for the appointment tomorrow.

Since this morning the spotting as lessened but it's still there every time I go to the bathroom. It never has been heavy enough to be on a pad but that's really of little comfort to me. The pain has also diminished but it's still there and I remember have similar pains with my second miscarriage.

As you might be able to tell, I don't have a lot of hope. I'm giving myself a 20% chance of a positive outcome so I'm preparing myself for the worst...how I will tell TOIAW, wondering if the RE does D&Cs, what kind of job I might get in Boston, how/if/when/where we might try again.

So, yeah, if positive thinking is what's going to get me through this, I'm screwed.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Still Really Scared

I'm still having red/pink spotting and light/moderate cramping. Yesterday at this time I was so sick I could barely take a shower; today I'm a only slightly nauseous. I'm really scared. It's so odd because even this morning as I was driving to the clinic and chatting with my sister-in-law, I had a bad feeling that I kept trying to push away but it wouldn't go away. As we sat in the waiting room chatting with my mom, it was still there and then when I saw that I was spotting my heart just sank and I thought, "I'm not going to have a baby in Boston." The doctor's information helped to allay my fears for a little while (like while I was in the room with her) but as the cramping gets worse I'm just scared.

When Can I Relax?

This morning I had my last appointment with the RE. I had already written a cute post [in my head] and was going to post it as soon as I got home. Instead, I'm freaking out.

When I visited the bathroom before the ultrasound, I discovered I was spotting. There was blood on the ultrasound wand. It has continued since I've been home and has even been bright red at times. I'm completely freaked out. I took little comfort in seeing the baby today even though our little one is measuring right on target and has a great heartbeat. I'm really scared. The doctor and nurse were encouraging saying this is normal for 8-9 weeks when the placenta is taking over and the best barometer is the baby who looks great but still I fret.

Also? After three days of some of the worst nausea I have had, today is nothing. All I can think of is the ol' "sudden loss of symptoms" every recurrent miscarriage gal hears about. I SO wanted to enjoy today but I don't think I'll relax until my appointment with the MFM on Thursday...and I'm really hoping the bleeding stops and I don't have to go in before that.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Huh?

From the What to Expect website:

"Your uterus, usually the size of a fist, has grown to the size of an orange."

Ummm...either this person has really small hands or eats freakishly large oranges. I mean I can wear children's gloves and an average orange is about the size of my fist.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Getting Attached

I saw and heard the baby's heartbeat again today! Woo-hoo!!! My only regret is that I was feeling so icky all I could think about was getting out of there without vomiting. But I've now had time to stare at the picture they printed for me and let it all soak in. I'm getting attached :)

And speaking of attachment, the placenta is gearing up to do it's thing which means this nausea is going to end soon (eventually).

I have my last RE appointment next week and then I will go back to the MFM the following week. If the nausea isn't better by then he will likely pull out the big guns so I don't put pressure on my cervix when I get sick.

Oh, and for the record, I would like to point out that I made it ONE WHOLE WEEK between appointments.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Sipping Gatorade

This morning I broke down and called the RE for something to help with the vomiting. I wasn't going to do it but yesterday it was nearly impossible for me to do anything but lay on the couch and sleep/watch tv which, emotionally, is not very healthy. My mom did everything for me yesterday and while it was nice I would like to be able to do a load of laundry or walk to the back of the house to my room without retching.

Of course, right after I called I feel better...go figure. Part of the problem is I'm hungry but afraid to eat (and nothing sounds good) and that just makes me more nauseous. It's a vicious circle!

Also, I forgot to mention the spotting when I spoke with the nurse but unless it comes back--and I REALLY hope it doesn't!--I won't mess with changing Friday's appointment. So if you need me you can be sure to find me on the couch, sipping Gatorade.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

It IS Always Something!

**UPDATE** Well, it looks like neither my RE or the dogs' vet are working today so I guess we're all going to just suck it up and drive on. The good news is all of us seem to be doing better which is good because I have no desire to visit the people ER (it's a teaching hospital and even though I've never been there, I've heard stories) or the pet ER that is over an hour away. I'm still planning on getting all of us to our respective doctors sooner rather than later but hopefully today will be more chill and no one will need Valium...and I'm not just talking about Bootsy.


This morning I had very slight brown mucousy discharge. I rested and about 4 hours later I had the same thing but it was pink and I think it happened again a few hours later but really every time I've had to really be paying attention to see it. I haven't totally freaked out but it's not a warm feeling either.

Also, I was really sick today vomiting several times. At my appointment Friday the doctor said she used to never give anything for nausea but after speaking to some of her OB/GYN colleagues she does give low dose something. She said it wouldn't help with the nausea but would prevent vomiting. I declined and for the most part I haven't regretted it because you know, in for a penny, in for a pound.

Tonight we went to some friends' house for dinner. It was a lot of fun. What wasn't fun was returning home to a dog (or dogs, I'm not sure) with stomach problems. Ugh. Thankfully, my mom cleaned up the mess (double thanks it was in a room without carpet). I don't know if it was just PP or if it was Bootsy too because as soon as she stepped outside she heard fireworks and refused to go back out. So Bootsy got some Valium and now I have to figure out how to get her outside. It looks like tomorrow we will be making a trip to the vet--if we can get it--because this has been going on for a couple of days.

I REALLY pray I don't have more spotting (if you can call it that) tomorrow and that we can figure out what's wrong with PP. Are things ever going to calm down and allow me to relax?

Friday, July 2, 2010

Beautiful

We (my mom, sister-in-law, me, the RE, the visiting RE from China, and the nurse--quite a crowd!) saw one teeny tiny little flicker of a heartbeat! It was so small I had to hold my breath while the doctor tried to get an accurate heart rate and/or listen but it was so small she only managed to get an estimated heart rate of 160bpm. That's good enough for me!

I go back again next Friday for a repeat appointment and then I can make appointments with the MFM for the cerclage. I'm starting to believe it's really going to happen...

I'm really tired and sick right now and I plan on hanging out on the couch and enjoying every minute of it!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Explaining NOT Complaining

I've been sick--nauseous--since 11:00 am Monday. I offer that not as a complaint, rather as an explanation of my silence.

It's very odd to me that I went from very sporadic nausea to constant nausea. With Sarah it began as being sick for a few hours every day and slowly progressed from there although I don't quite remember being sick all day every day. This time I was sick at random times on random days...until Monday. But, again, I'm not complaining--I would do this every day for forever to have a baby--I just want you to know I'm fine and will update you tomorrow after my appointment.*

*Although I will say that I do not have high hopes of seeing the heartbeat tomorrow based on the size we saw on Tuesday. I suppose it could happen but I'm preparing myself to have to wait another week. Also, I don't think the ultrasound machine they usually use is the most sophisticated. Remind me of all this tomorrow when I inevitably freak out if I don't see a heartbeat...