Wednesday, June 23, 2010

If Only

This weekend I wrote a post about how I wish I had the results of my first beta. Tracy (I would post a link to her blog, but it's password protected) warned me that this was dangerous territory because you say you just want your first beta results...then you want your second beta results...then you want to see a heartbeat...get to 24 get the picture. I knew as soon as I read it she was 100% correct and yet I can't seem to help it. I haven't even had the results of the second beta for 24 hours and I'm already anxious about tomorrow's results. And even if the beta is good again, I doubt I will celebrate for too long before I begin looking forward to the next appointment. The RE assured me she is going to watch me closely due to my history of ectopic pregnancies so that means many appointments.

Adding to my neuroses are the symptoms that seem to come and go. The only constant is exhaustion. The nausea was very strong this weekend but for the past three days I've barely noticed it (I know it's normal not to have it at 5 weeks but to have it and then not have it is disconcerting). My boobs have also been consistently sore but seem to be worse at some times--and just to be sure I'm constantly going to second base with myself to check.

I'm really hoping to see a sac tomorrow. You're supposed to be able to see it when your hCG is 1,000-1,500 and mine should certainly be that tomorrow even with a minimum increase. Please, Lord!

P.S. The nurse called me today to say my progesterone tested at 25.something and my E2 had gone down from 560 to 260 (approximate) but she said I didn't need to change any of my dosages. I actually think she called to tell me to come in tomorrow for a repeat test because she didn't know I already had an appointment. She called at 3:00 so I will certainly hope to hear from her by then tomorrow!


Aly said...

It is a very slippery slope. From the moment you find out you are pregnant you worry. It NEVER stops! Your a mom, you will always worry. Once you reach 24 weeks it will be 30 weeks, then 37, then once the baby is here you will worry about sids, milestones, etc... You will even freak out about silly stuff like, "omg, what if I drop this remote on his head on accident." Then before you know it they start driving, no explanation needed for that one. Your worry free life is over. Enjoy the worry. Embrace it, or it will drive you crazy. Way easier said then done, I know.

I have my fingers crossed for a quadrupling next beta (just doubling will still make you worry.)Good luck!!

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Tracy said...

If it makes you feel any better, and I think I may have already told you this, the only consistent pregnancy symptom I had was the exhaustion. I was unbelievably tired ALL THE TIME. I'd come home from work at 5, take a two hour nap, get up and eat dinner, and go back to bed at 8 to sleep until 7am the next morning and I was STILL tired.

I'm not going to say it, but I can't wait to see HOW MANY sacs you have! I caught a glimpse of mine at 5w1d, not sure that it had anything to do with my HCG.

AKD said...

I'm still laughing about you getting to second base! My breast pain really came and went, too - there were hours/days when they just throbbed, and then there were times they were just a tiny bit achy. I think that's normal. The exhaustion is a great sign, though - that was my constant companion when the other symptoms went away. :)

You're so right in your post - there is just no end to the milestones. And while you're so very glad to get to one, you can't help but focus on the next one. It's just natural, especially with everything you've endured. Sending hugs to you... I can't wait for more results!

N said...

I prefer not to think of it as a slippery slope, but instead as baby steps. I baby step'd my way to my first beta, then my second. Then to the scan, then to the heartbeat scan. Then to the n/t (biggest for me). Then to 20 weeks. Eventually your steps end up getting slower, your stride longer, and it's easier to walk, but it's still nerve-wracking. That's for sure. Up until the end, I didn't once believe I'd be taking home a real, live baby. And if you can't either, if you need these things to hope for? That's okay, too.

Obviously, it's better not to worry, I don't want to say it's not. I just want to be the voice in there that says, if you can't help but worry, that's okay.

My RE, who'd been through a loss with his wife as well, made sure to tell me before releasing me, that worry was okay. It might make me miserable, but it wouldn't hurt the baby. So if I couldn't help but worry, then I certainly shouldn't then add worry about whether my worry was hurting the pregnancy. XD

The Major's Wife said...

So tired is such a good thing.