Thursday, March 4, 2010

So Confused

Or maybe I'm frustrated. I don't quite know at the moment.

I had my appointment today to see if I'm a go for the hysteroscopy this month. I am and I'm having it done Saturday morning (and, sadly, having a minor procedure done in no way affects my weekend plans...pathetic, I know), so that's the good news. And I don't have any bad news, just odd news.

After my ultrasound today my doctor told me I have a small uterine cavity and it's, "the reason for ALL my problems." All my problems? Yes, it is the reason for your recurrent miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, not getting pregnant with the donor cycle, and Sarah's preterm birth. Hmmph. I might buy some of that but not all of it because my tubes are partially blocked and my eggs suck. I didn't say that to him but I did ask him if this was a new thing or something I have acquired and he said it was genetic. I reminded him I've been treated by several doctors and no one has ever noticed this before and--have I mentioned he's a tad bit arrogant?--he said, "this is something only a very experienced doctor would notice." Right. Because I just went to crack pots before you. Now don't get me wrong, I actually like and trust this doctor and have had good experiences with him and I know he seems to find something wrong with everyone and he is the praised hero when they magically get pregnant. So why am I terribly anxious right now with thoughts of what if he's right and I can't get pregnant or what if I get pregnant and have another preterm delivery? And I don't need any help in the anxiety department lately but that's a post for a different day.

I will know more after the hysteroscopy Saturday. I just don't know if I'll want to know what I will know. I'm hoping and praying this is just another case of the Mystery Country's practice of alarmist medicine. The doctors here like to be needed and it's annoying because they play with people's emotions but it's innocent in that they don't rush to put you on medication or recommend crazy treatments and/or procedures. Don't they know I'm "very emotional"? A more plausible suggestion is that I have a slightly tilited uterus. I seem to recall this being mentioned before--although never as a liability--and I know, at times, it has been difficult to find my ovaries so, you know, maybe, right?

Oh, and Dr. Google is no help at all, darn him.

P.S. Just to end on a happier not, my email situation finally resolved itself!

1 comment:

AKD said...

That is a pretty broad brush stroke there - the doctor sounds like he's incredibly capable, but I'd also be second-guessing things. Will he be doing your hysteroscopy, or can the treating doctor there confirm his diagnosis?

I'm thinking of you so much, Rachel - I just want you to have lots of good, positive answers.