Friday, March 19, 2010

I'll Seriously Do It

Despite celebrating our anniversary yesterday, it was a rough day. I was totally feeling sorry for myself (for Sarah, for living here, for not having a life here, for having to move every year and not being able to pursue my life, for TOIAW's annoying ideas about us traveling to random places within the Mystery Country, and a whole host of other things I can't recall right now). Eventually I gave into the massive headache I had after a huge sobfest and took a short nap. Afterwards I felt better and we went to dinner which was nice. TOIAW read the Harvard email when we got home and everything ended well.

It feels good to greet the new day with a plan. Then I remember my appointment Saturday and all the uncertainty comes crashing down again. Ugh. My new doctor is far from sunshine and roses like my last one (which was part of the problem) and I have never left an appointment with him feeling good about everything. I know it's important to be realistic but I just want to hear good news tomorrow. I'm not entirely certain what he's looking for but I hope he finds it and we can get a decent idea of what the next cycle's plan is. TOIAW has a lot of travel he needs to plan (aha, an additional reason for my pity party yesterday because being here is no fun and being here alone is practically torture) and a timeline would be helpful. But mostly I want to hear good news. Should I dare to dream? My heart isn't convinced.

If one more person around here wishes me a "Happy Spring" I am going to punch them in the kidney. Someone once brilliantly decided spring would begin on March 1st and, despite the fact it snows 3-5 times a week and the sun rarely shines, people keep reminding me it's spring. I just want to leave I just want to leave I just want to leave I just want to leave I just want to leave.

1 comment:

AKD said...

Oh, Rachel. I am sending you the world's biggest hugs. I'm so sorry that you had such a rough few days. I hope that tomorrow's appointment is filled with good news and a productive plan. You deserve nothing but the best.

Please know that we're here for you!