Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Confusion, Fear, & Disappointment

***Once upon a time I could spell. And I had decent grammar, too. I just went to my blog so I could read the blogs in my reader and what stared back at me? Dissapointment. That's how I spelled it. I'm horrified. I even blushed. The smog and pollution are killing my brain cells. I have to get out of here.***

The last three days have been trying.

Saturday started out good enough. We're thinking of ordering a car before we leave here (special prices and tax exemption) so we did a little research on that and then went to my appointment. The first thing the doctor said--after the ultrasound--was, "I'm going to continue treating you for one more month." My heart dropped. TOIAW proceeded to ask many questions about my diagnosis and possible dates. It was a little better than I originally thought but the best-case scenario is a transfer at the end of April. Of course I'm dissappointed but what am I going to do? So on the way home we decided I would go to the U.S. during TOIAW's next trip and then come back and do the transfer. That plan certainly helped soften the blow and I was thrilled with the idea of some time at home. I love spring in Oklahoma!

When I got home I called my parents and my mom told me my dad was sick. He had been to the doctor on Friday and had medication but wasn't feeling better yet. We went to dinner with friends and when we got home I really felt like I needed to call him again. I did, and he was feeling worse and had a pain in his leg so TOIAW and I encouraged him to go to the ER. Long story short, he did and he has an infection in his leg so he's in the hospital at least until Thursday. I hate not being there! I talked to my mom before I went to sleep last night and he seems to be feeling better finally. (Interesting side note: The first antibiotic they gave him helped initially but then it was determined he needed a different one. The one the doctor wanted to give him is about $1200 for a 10-day supply and the doctor had to check to make sure his insurance would pay for it. It did, but seriously? What is wrong with health care these days?)

It's been sunny and warmer the past few days and I seem to have a bad case of spring fever so I was excited to finalize my tickets yesterday. Before I did so, however, I wanted to check with the clinic to make sure it wouldn't interfere with our plans. The doctor said he couldn't okay it until after my next appointent on April 3rd. I am 95% positive there will be no issues with me being gone that week but what do I do? I am so tired of planning everything around appointments and cycles and IVF plans! I'm really confused about this plan anyway because of some things the doctor said and I'm just so tired of being in the dark when it comes to his plans. My patience is wearing thin with ALL of it. I'm trying to stay positive. Maybe we'll do a transfer sooner (although I doubt it since the doctor gave late April as the best-case scenario) or maybe I'll still be able to travel if the ticket prices aren't cost prohibitive by the time I get the all-clear. No matter what, I will be leaving here in four months so at least the end is in sight and I am terribly excited about the next stop on the world tour!

In the meantime, it looks like I need to buy some food because it seems TOIAW has decided to work from home most days and he expects three meals a day. I told him if he wants three square meals a day he should go to prison or join the military. He wasn't amused.


AKD said...

Oh, sweetie, I am just so sorry that you've had an awful few days.

I am so sorry that the cycle is being delayed. I hope that the doctor had lots of information for you, but I know that doesn't take away the hurt. I know how hard it is to feel like everything's just on hold right now.

I will keep you and your dad in my thoughts. I know he knows how you want to be there, and how you are in your thoughts. Sending so much love to you - only four more months!

The Gutsy Mom said...

"Or join the military." Bwa ha ha! See how you keep us entertained even amidst all your confusion and disappointment? Praying for you and your Dad. And SO excited about your next tour stop.

mrsmuelly said...

Planning every little thing around infertility treatments does become a big pain in the behind. The ultimate end result, of course, is worth it...but one can't help but wish that you could be one of those girls that **oops** got pregnant. Wouldn't that be a fabulous gift from God? Thinking of you guys as April approaches.