Tuesday, February 16, 2010

So Very Sad

After I wrote my post this morning I went back to bed and snuggled with TOIAW for a while. He is so disappointed and to make matters worse I can tell he still has some hope which means he will be disappointed again tomorrow and possibly on Friday as well if the clinic talks him into believing it's "still possible." I do okay for an hour or so and then I get really sad again.

Thankfully I don't have the cramps I had yesterday and last night because they were quite uncomfortable and I'm not sure I could handle that today. Twinges I can ignore but constant cramping I cannot.

I just hate that I can't be happy even though I want to be. I keep thinking of how I'm so blessed in many, many ways and this one thing--no matter how big it seems and feels--is not insurmountable but it doesn't really help right now. The fact that we are financially able to transfer the frozen embryos as soon as is medically possible is huge and while that does give me some hope, it's not what I really want so I'm still pouting.

I think I'm going to research a vacation!

It looks like a negative tomorrow is going to equal a trip to ISRAEL for my birthday in March! Jerusalem, my friends, is enough to make even the saddest of hearts leap for joy!


N said...

I'm so sorry that this keeps happening. It is so unfair. Even with an amazing trip. *hugs*

AKD said...

I hope that trip to Israel is the soul restoration you need before the next cycle. I'm sending you love.