Sunday, January 24, 2010

Facebook Anxiety

I should be loading the dishwasher right now but instead I'm blogging because the Gutsy Mom said she likes my frequent posts. That and the fact that I must empty the dishwasher before loading it and that's the part I hate most. Usually I do it first thing in the morning but it's Sunday and it didn't get done.

On to bigger issues...why do I feel anxious every time I log onto Facebook? Every. Single. Time. Although the severity varies, it's always there and I'm not sure why. I do, however, have some theories. I've found it's worse when I'm reading about friends I haven't seen in a long time especially if I'm not in contact with them. Looking at family members' pages doesn't bother me which is what led me develop this theory. I think it has something to do with feeling weird about all this moving and having people who I once saw or talked to many times a week be people with whom I rarely communicate. I've never liked that part of this life but with FB I can't ignore the fact that we've all moved on from that season and we have different lives now. It doesn't make our friendships less, necessarily, just different now. I hate having being faced with that multiple times every week. Oh, who am I kidding? I only log on once a week at best.

When I think about a place where we lived, I first think about our home and then I'm flooded with memories of the year we spent there (because it's always just about a year). I think about the fun times with friends, the sad things that happened in our lives while we were there, the trips we took, moving in day, moving out day, all the memories flood my mind but it's the people who were part of my life that think about the most and it's beyond strange to me that I could share so much with someone and then never see them again. It's neary impossible for me to articulate it so I'll just say this: It feels weird and I don't like it. Fundamentally I am not someone who likes change and I want to move to a great neighborhood with all the friends I've ever met and have our husbands work together and have cook-outs and get togethers and Bible study and Bunco and go to each other's baby showers and watch our kids play and never worry about anyone moving or losing touch. And then I would never log onto FB and read that someone is pregnant or lost a grandparent or has the flu because they could just show up on my door and tell me and I would give them a hug and a smile and truly share the joys and sorrows with--physically--them (unless it was the flu because if it was they could just call and I would send over some chicken soup).

I have issues and if someone on FB dubbed this "Tell Your Friends Something They Don't Know Sunday" I clearly failed.


The Gutsy Mom said...

You are so good to me! :)

I think you just put into words the strangeness and anxiety that many of us in the mobile lifestyle have to face. (As you know, I, too, have severe issues with change and moving and not seeing friends who once knew everything about everything.) I also fantasize about living in some great place with every one I've ever befriended forever. Seriously, I think about that more than a normal person should.

AKD said...

I'll second loving the frequent posts!

I totally understand the disconnect and anxiety. It's why I didn't go to my high school reunion at 10-years - there's this awkwardness in the memories that are so mixed.

mrsmuelly said...

I've never thought of the facebook thing like that. I can imagine that it's quite different with you guys moving and such. I do have FB anxiety though. Mine stems from feeling that my friends are all so much further along in their lives. In true deadbabymama fashion, I compare this by number and age of kids. It hurts to see my friends with 2 and 3 kids. Most of the kids are toddlers now too!

Pat Ollek said...

You are definitely not the only one who feels like this. Perhaps it's because relationships of friends have a high value in your eyes and something that anchors your life - I know it does mine. When I am not in touch with a friend for a long time or we drift apart - it's sort of a mourning period for me.