Thursday, December 3, 2009

Selfish

Not a day goes by that I don't feel selfish about something. In spite of how difficult this past year has been, my life is filled with amazing blessings. Living in the Mystery Country for the past two months has brought that point home many, many times yet I am nowhere near as thankful as I should be have all that I do. So it's with full awareness of how wrong it is that I will share with you my selfish wish of the day: My sister-in-law has an ultrasound today and I REALLY want her to find out she's having a boy. And you know what? It's not really because I'm jealous that she would be having a girl when I want one also. No, it's more because I know she wants a girls so badly and I don't want her to have what she wants.

So now you know my dark side.

It makes me queasy to read it in print but it doesn't make it less true.

4 comments:

N said...

*HUGS*

We all have thoughts and feelings like this. It just means you're human.

AKD said...

I think it's totally normal to have those feelings. It's not vindictive - it's honest. And human - although hopefully you don't have to hear her complain if it is a boy!

HUGS!

Michele said...

We all have dirty little secrets... It's okay. :)

Rachel said...

I think it's totally normal. I actually found myself wishing ill on a pregnant woman who was so proud about her non-vaccination. A pregnant woman I know. Can you imagine?

Luckily it was just a minor illness and she and the bump are well.

But it is really good that you can recognize where your wishes are inappropriate and work through them.