Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Scratching My Head

Maybe after I write this it will seem real to me because right now it doesn't.

Two weeks ago I was waiting for my period and hoping it didn't start too soon because I needed to have a hysteroscopy and it can only be done on certain days of your cycle and I was traveling blah, blah, blah. So I waited and waited and started to wonder and had some odd symptoms and blew it off an enjoyed my trip. Last week I was actually starting to think I was having a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy. In fact, I recall telling TOIAW I felt there was a 50% chance I was having either a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. On Thursday I had horrible cramping and pretty much made up my mind it was an early miscarriage but for sanity's sake I had no desire to confirm that.

I continued to have an irregular (for me) period but things seemed to be getting back to normal except for some abdominal pain and spotting. Tonight, however, I felt very dizzy and light-headed and I decided I would go to the clinic tomorrow and find out once and for all. I then got up to get a drink and was so dizzy I sat down on the bed and then I had a eureka moment where I remembered I had two pregnancy tests. I could take one, see the 'not pregnant' and chalk it up to the Ambien I took so I would sleep. Great idea except the "not" part of the screen never showed up. Nor did it on the next test I took 30 seconds after I got the result of the first one.

Are you kidding me?!

Naturally I was concerned so I called TOIAW (it actually took me several tries to get in touch with him as he is traveling in another country) who recommended I call the embassy doctor. Blah, blah, blah, I went in and the two VERY KIND doctors--one local national and an American PA--decided I'm not in danger tonight meaning I don't need to be airlifted out of the country and can wait and get an exam tomorrow.

Emotionally I'm more annoyed than anything. I know it's a miscarriage (at best) and it just frustrates me. It also brings back some unpleasant memories and emotions. Ugh. It's just not very convenient and there will undoubtedly be hormones involved at some point and it just stinks. Not now but I know eventually it will.

And I can't help but scratch my head and ask, "Why?" I mean is this really necessary?

So I guess I'll update tomorrow and then in 2-3 day increments as my hCG dies a slow death...


The Major's Wife said...

Have you heard of implantation bleeding? It happens a couple of weeks after the egg is fertilized and implants in the uterus wall. There is cramping too. I thought I was having a miscarriage too once and went to the er. Also, if they don't get a heartbeat right away don't worry. It takes till about 8 weeks to get one usually.

The Gutsy Mom said...

I am at a total loss for words. As you know, this rarely happens. So, I will just pray. Love you.

Soapchick said...

How do you know it's a miscarriage? Either way Rachel you are in my prayers tonight. Hugs my friend.

mrsmuelly said...

Ugghhh! That's all I've got for this. It's just not fair and continues to not be fair. AND I'm pretty sure it will never be "fair" again. I'm sorry that you have to go through this...and especially while TOIAW is away. Tons and tons of long distance ((((((HUGS)))))) to you tonight.

I like the positive thoughts from The Mayor's Wife...I'll go to bed tonight praying that she's got the right idea.

N said...

Whatever the outcome, I can only imagine how frustrating and maddening this is. I hope that, no matter what, you are safe, and can keep yourself emotionally safe. Thinking of you.

AKD said...

Oh, Rachel, I just started crying for you. I am so sorry - you really don't need this emotional turmoil right now. I'm praying for you, sweetie. Hugs and hugs.

Michele said...

If it is any help, I had bleeding with Nick and Sophie's pregnancy and they were okay. I hope that this is simply some implantation bleeding or even an SCH and things turn out okay.

Praying for you.