Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A few hours later...

Crying always gives me a killer headache.

I had a nice chat with my sister-in-law (not the pregnant one but my brother's wife and my only SIL with whom I'm close) which helped me to think/talk it all out in ways that are difficult for me to do with TOIAW because he 1) doesn't always get it and 2) is too close to his brother to hear any of my not-so-nice comments. TOIAW did, however, offer to move up the timeline of our next cycle. I don't necessarily want to do that but I am concerned about a cruise his family has planned over New Year's. Right now, the thought of that freaks me out. Big time. Oh, and then I'm supposed to drive with BIL, SIL, and Nephew to their home town in order to fly back to the MC because we are using airline miles to buy the ticket and that's the only city where I could get a flight. I know that's an awkward sentence but hopefully you know what I'm trying to say. And hopefully you can maybe understand how and why that would be difficult for me. I need to talk to TOIAW but I just really don't want to talk about it. Ick.

Whatever, it is what it is and I cannot change it. I hate that this news through me for a loop but it did and, again, I cannot change that. I can, however, hold onto what I know is true. I have re-read the verses I posted earlier today and still I will not doubt God's love and faithfulness. He gave me a beautiful day of fellowship, hope, and confidence because he knew I would need that to face the news I would soon hear. And "the worst" will never be the worst because no matter what I will never be separated from his love. To this promise I cling.

2 comments:

AKD said...

Goodness, what a day. Your positive attitude and hope are very touching, though. Hugs.

Soapchick said...

I'm sorry that I'm a week behind on commenting. You have amazed me at how you've handled the loss of your beautiful Sarah. You are bound to have triggers and it is so not fair. I pray that God sends you a miracle someday hon.