Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Eating My Words

Remember what I said in my previous post? The one I wrote an hour ago? Yeah, well, turns out I'm never very far from disolving into a complete mess.

TOIAW came home, presented me with flowers, asked me to sit down, and told me his sister-in-law is pregnant. I didn't cry immediately--though, admittedly, that required not an insignificant amount of effort--but eventually I couldn't hold it in any longer so I went into the study and when I noticed rain drops on the windows, I lost it. It was if even God was crying for me, too. Now the sun is shining but I'm not feeling it.

I don't get it. Another child for a couple who has extreme marital problems, a child with considerable behavioral issues, and militant atheist beliefs. And you know what? I could get beyond all that if I just knew why I can't have one, too. Why? Why not me, too?

5 comments:

N said...

I only just saw these posts together, back-to-back, and they were so hard to read. ♥ Much love going to you.

AKD said...

I hate these things that just cut to the bone, that can change a good day to bad. Hoping that you're doing okay.

The Gutsy Mom said...

Oh, Rachel. I am sorry the tides turned so quickly. I hope by the time you're reading this, you are doing a bit better. But I am SO feeling the unfairness of it along with you. (Serious points to TOYAW for breaking the news so sweetly.)

Michele said...

Oh hon... I'm sorry. I had a similar situation with my brother and it hurt like hell.

Soapchick said...

It is so unfair, makes no sense, and we will never understand it. I suppose that will be one of your questions when you meet the Big Guy someday. I pray for you to be comforted somehow. Your TOIAW is there for you, hold him tight.