Thursday, September 10, 2009

Helpless

This past week and a half has certainly brought up a lot of Sarah memories. Not that they're ever buried very deep but I've gotten better at not letting the really bad ones surface too often. But all these feelings of helplessness I feel with PP are all to familiar for me. It's probably not even good for PP for me to be so upset.

I caved tonight and gave her a sedative (not the full dose) but now that I think about it, I gave it to her too late. I guess a learning curve is normal I just don't want it to put her healing in jeopardy. Also, I called the cardiologist with a question and she told me--through the on-call vet--that the issue I had is nothing to worry about and she will call in the morning. I'm obsessing, I know I am, and yet I cannot stop it.

Oh, and I delayed my flight to the Mystery Country by ten days so I can be with PP during the most critical period. At this rate the MC is sounding like paradise where I get to go to escape this stress and fall into the arms of TOIAW. This is so awful it's making the MC look good to me?! Frightening.

3 comments:

N said...



Thinking of you.

Soapchick said...

I'm sure all of this with PP has brought up a lot of feelings about Sarah. I'm sorry you are going through all of this and I'm sorry your beautiful Sarah isn't here with you. I hope someday it gets easier. Hugs and prayers to you Rachel.

I'm glad you were able to delay your trip to the MC so you can be with your puppy. I know you can't tell us, but I've been wondering if MC is Argentina.

Soapchick said...

How is the puppy doing? How are you?