Monday, August 31, 2009

Please, No

Princess Poopsalot had a routine appointment two weeks ago and the doctor heard a heart murmur that concerned her and she wanted to get x-rays. She didn't seem too alarmed and I was doubtful since she had a check-up less than a month earlier (the only purpose of the appointment was just to get a health certificate for her to fly and enter into the Mystery Country) so after her appointment last week I rescheduled it for today. It was a drop-off appointment and when I went back to get her the doctor ushered me back to look at "what they found." It was about that time I began to get worried. PP's aorta has a large bulge in it and pretty much all the potential causes are less than desirable. I am SICK with worry. I just keep petting her and trying not to cry. She has an appointment tomorrow at a veterinary school with their cardiologist where they will do an ultrasound and hopefully have more answers. I am so scared. We can't lose her. She seems just fine--perfect, really--which makes all this better and worse.

This would be difficult no matter what but, as you might imagine, this brings lots of bad memories to the surface...not that they're ever buried too deep. We simply canNOT lose her. We just can't. It's not an option.

Oh, and today I got the IRS check and a check returning our security deposit from our house in D.C. I should have been happy but I'm not. Money can't make PP's aorta normal. Money can't bring Sarah back. Last week all I wanted to do was deposit those checks and admire them in my savings account. Today I really could not care less. Reminds me of the saying, "If money can fix it, it's not a problem."

3 comments:

Soapchick said...

I'm praying for PP. Hoping whatever it is, it's fixable!

AKD said...

I'm also praying for PP. Miracles happen - I hope that you go in and everything is fine.

I know what you mean about the futility of the small things, too - you realize how small most things are. Praying for you.

Michele said...

If only money could fix things... If only if...