Monday, August 3, 2009

On The Road Again

We're almost ready to leave for our drive to Oklahoma. I'm still thankful I didn't have to spend the weekend with my in-laws but I had a crazy one here alone and I am exhausted. Not the best tone when beginning a two-day journey with a trailer, two dogs, and a husband in tow.

I'm sad to leave this house but not because I like it (because I never really did). Rather, because it provided shelter during the hopeful times of my pregnancy and shelter again in the darkest days of my grief. Yesterday we went through the house designating what will go where and when I saw the shelf containing Sarah's things I just sat down and cried. She never got to 'come home' to this house in the way I wanted her to. Instead, she's in a beautiful silver urn that will leave with me today. It's not the way it was supposed to be.

It seems fitting that I would cry a few (several) last tears as we drive away.


N said...

Houses are funny like that.

I'm sorry you're leaving for OK, both for my own not getting to see you, and for what it means, in the grander scale.

I hope your trip is easy, and safe. And that you get to be with TOYAW far away as soon as possible. ♥

mrsmuelly said...

The thought of leaving your "shelter" brings tears to my eyes as well. Bur there is comfort in knowing Sarah is with you no matter where you are. Much luck in the coming days of moving.

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The Gutsy Mom said...

Oh, Rachel. This makes so much sense and breaks my heart. I know the feeling of leaving a house that has so many memories, as if the air contained in it KNOWS you, and you have to leave that part of you behind... but not in the way you now know this feeling. My heart aches for you.