Thursday, June 4, 2009

Busy Busy Busy

I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed and anxious lately. I can't even log into Facebook because, for some odd reason, that produces huge amounts of anxiety. I'm pretty sure that's not normal but FB isn't an integral part of my existence so I'm just ignoring it. Writing emails is also stressful--again, not normal--so I just don't do that either (just ask my friend, G). Hopefully I'll still have some friends left when I become normal again. I have some theories about all of this but I'll save that for another day. Also, in case you haven't noticed, I've been horrible about commenting on blogs for which there really is no excuse.

TOIAW and I have been very busy and there is more to come. My brother, sister-n-law, niece, and nephew were here for a week and we had a great visit with them. We only seem to do the touristy things when we have guests so it's good them came! Our house has been too quiet since they left...

We also have a lot going on with the move(s) which is far more complicated than it usually is. It's manageable, however, and we're doing okay. I have a list (several, actually), a good calendar, and a plan which really helps me. What isn't on my calendar yet is my official start date for the IVF cycle but I should hear something by Wednesday at the latest. On Tuesday TOIAW and I attended an 'IVF Orientation' class at Walter Reed. The doctor's part was actually very informative even though this is our third cycle. The administrative stuff was notsomuch but it was necessary. During the times when the nurses briefly met with each couple, we overheard several interesting IVF/infertility war stories. I felt bad for some people and just flat out didn't believe others. I was very close to telling one of the women to shut her mouth when she blathered on and on and on and on about how poorly she had been treated by military physicians, her husband's command, the WR IVF support staff, the Dunkin' Donuts barista, the universe, etc. I absolutely couldn't believe it when she complained about the cost of the program; it's at least half the price of civilian clinics and for TOIAW and I it's more like one-quarter the cost. People like her--the my-husband-is-in-the-military-therefore-the-entire-country-owes-me-something type--really get to me but, again, that's a story for a different day. Can you see why I'm praying for God to give me more mercy for others? In any event, we were quite impressed with the program and feel very blessed that we have been accepted.

That's about it for now. I know I was going to tell you about my weekend with the in-laws. Well, believe it or not, I did begin a post but I never finished it so I'll just give you the highlights:

  • The first thing our 5 year-old nephew said to me was, "Where is your baby? Can I hold her?" Nothing was said or explained to him--at least not in my presence--his mom just changed the subject.
  • Nephew jumped up behind me and pulled my hair so hard my head was sore for a week afterwards. His punishment? Sit in timeout for 2 minutes. He was not made to, nor did he, apologize to me.
  • At lunch, after BIL's law school graduation, FIL told TOIAW that he must become either a doctor or a general or he will be a failure. I didn't hold back in telling him what I thought. TOIAW was visibly upset and I felt so bad for him. This is the part where I heed my mother's advice and don't comment on what I think of FIL because I can't say anything nice.
  • We had three cars at the graduation and since FIL forbade MIL from driving one of the cars I drove her (his exact words were, "She will not drive. I will not allow it. I forbid it.") and during the car ride she told me she lit a candle for Sarah for three nights following her birth but then she had a vision that Sarah would die so she stopped lighting the candle. I didn't hold back in telling her what I thought. I later apologized to her and explained why that was so hurtful. I don't think she understood me.

There's more I don't remember--or am trying to forget--but they'll be here in a week for a a week-long visit during which time there will surely be many more hurtful things said to both of us. Please excuse me, I have some praying to do...


The Major's Wife said...

a little touch of good, I know two beautiful WR IVF babies and pray for the day when I get to see your WR IVF miracle baby too!!

N said...

Busy is good, sometimes. I'm sorry that I haven't been around, and didn't see all this - after the miscarriage, I had to stop reading a lot of the blogs of people who were still pregnant. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Soapchick said...

I'm really glad you got into the WR program and hoping for a pregnancy on your next cycle and a full-term pregnancy and healthy baby. Yeah that one wife sounds like a first class idiot.

I'm so sorry your FIL is an ass, hopefully you don't have to see them too often. The MIL was probably trying to be nice and she didn't realize the hurtfulness of what she was saying.

Just curious - will TOIAW's sperm have to be frozen or will he still be around when you do your cycle?

Mags said...

I'm sorry your in-laws are insensitive jerks. Just continue taking care of yourself and your TOIAW!!!

Krista said...

I have many not so nice things to say about your inlaws, but I will refrain. I'm so glad you were able to get into the program!

Rachel said...

Wow. I can't believe your FIL or MIL would say such things, and your kindness in response is amazing. I'm really glad that you got into a good and more affordable program for your treatments.

caitsmom said...

First, I am so sorry your precious Sarah died.

It sounds like you are handling so much from personal struggles, to shallow strangers, and family who just don't really get it, AND handling it with such grace.

I wish you the best on your IVF journey. Peace.