Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Here we go again...

I haven't mentioned it yet, but we had our initial fertility clinic appointment about three weeks ago. They require a new HSG (test to see if your fallopian tubes are open) and mine aren't. That is, of course, a new development since I've gotten pregnant on my own three times. Well, actually we knew one of the tubes was blocked because I had an ectopic pregnancy but the other one was open according to two previous tests. So there you go.

I am now beginning the battery of blood tests and we'll probably have the results some time in early May. I'm really nervous. I've long suspected something was up with my ovarian reserve and hormone levels but in Germany that's not really something doctors discuss with patients; they simply draw up the treatment plan and that's that. When I asked they just said, "it's okay," or, "it's normal." I want actual numbers. You can't go to Dr. Google with phrases like 'okay' and 'normal.' Soon I will have my actually numbers and it's altogether possible that when I get them, I won't want them. Ugh.

And even still, bad news is never the end of the world. There are treatment options available. Unfortunately, those options aren't available at the military facility I would like to use (because it's cheap and has a very good reputation). They have requirements that must be met in order to be admitted into the IVF program and the primary one involves hormone levels (the ones that indicate how many eggs you have and if they're good although, oddly, there is no way to know if the eggs actually are good, they can only tell if they're not good). Going to a private clinic would be very expensive and it would just be another obstacle I would prefer to avoid.

I go back and forth between feeling peace about everything and being terrified. It often changes by the minute. The weather here has been cold and rainy for the past few days which is never good for me these days. But I'm hanging in there. I just really thought we were done with the fertility appointments for a while and I'm angry and frustrated that we're not but we must move forward so here we go again...

4 comments:

Mags said...

Hang in there, Rachel!!! I hope the results from the tests allow you to move on with the military clinic you want. Feel free to email me anytime if you have any questions/concerns about treatment options...I've been through it all.

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry that you have to start treatments again. But I know exactly what you mean about the German doctors (very like Dutch doctors in their attitudes).

I am so impressed with your optimism - we'll be rooting for you and hoping for the very easiest path to pregnancy and a healthy delivery for you.

mrsmuelly said...

Well, at least there's an answer of some sort...right? I will be praying that your hormone levels are "right" for the treatment to come...and hoping that in the meantime you get a fabulous surprise BFP! (When you are part of the small statistic anyway, why not hope for a miracle)

Soapchick said...

Praying for you Rachel! You deserve a break!