Thursday, February 19, 2009

Limbo Land

Today TOIAW met with his boss and they brainstormed possible options for his job opportunities if we don't end up moving to Mystery Country. It seems there are some very workable possibilities but nothing definite until his boss looks into the logistics. We will most likely make a decision by the end of March. I'm also in the process of making an appointment with the fertility clinic at Walter Reed to see what they say about IVF and my fertility in general. If only I had a crystal ball to see what taking an extended break from the baby making roller coaster would mean. A break would be nice but I really want to be pregnant. On one hand, I feel like waiting too long isn't a good idea given my age and just a nagging feeling I have and, on the other hand, I wonder if I'm completely removing God from the equation and trying to figure it all out on my own.

In other news, Valentine's Day really stunk. TOIAW and I have been at each other's throats for the past week or so. In addition to the natural stress of grief, we're also dealing with the stress of figuring out the what's and where's of the next step. Every time we've been through this, stress has been part of it and it's probably even more so this time. But, as I said before, things are looking more hopeful and that should help. I also realized I'm dealing with a bit of the 'baby blues' even though my baby isn't with me. At my post partum appointment, the midwife put in a referral for me to meet with a mental health provider just in case I ever want to talk. You know how sad and pathetic you must look when even the midwife has tears in her eyes during your appointment. And here I thought I was doing okay...

We also met with Sarah's doctors and I'm so glad we did. I'm not sure the meeting accomplished much but, if nothing else, we were able to thank them for giving us a week with Sarah for, were it not for their efforts, we wouldn't have had that gift. Oh, what a precious gift that week was!

I resumed my language classes yesterday. Ugh. I cried when I got there, I cried when I was waiting for class to begin, I cried when the teacher hugged me, I cried when my old teacher came to see me (I don't have the same teacher which also had me crying but in a different way...), and I cried when we left because I was so glad it was over. Oy! I hope tomorrow's class is less emotional.

Lastly, we have a very tragic situation in our house: PP has a slight eye infection. This alone isn't that big of a deal but, as you can see below, she is wearing a collar to prevent her from rubbing/scratching her eye. She can't seem to figure out how to maneuver the stairs or doorways of our house which is both amusing and sad. I think it hurts her feelings when we laugh at her. Tonight I'm going to make her a little dish we've dubbed 'puppy crack' (boiled ground beef, rice, and chicken broth) due to the euphoria it produces in PP. She deserves it don't you think?


Tracy said...

Aww! Poor pooch! Gus had to have eye surgery when he was about 9 months old and had to wear the cone, too. He looked so pathetic. I have pics if you want to see for yourself. LOL

Sorry you're having such a stressful time right now. I suppose it's to be expected but that doesn't make it any easier.

Soapchick said...

I was just thinking about you this morning because we hadn't heard from you in a while. I'm glad you got to meet with Sarah's doctors too. I also hope you'll meet with a grief counselor. Keep us posted on your next location - even if it is a mystery to us! Poor doggie, yes he does deserve the yummy meal.

Anonymous said...

Poor puppy :(
I know how you about trying to figure out the next step, it isnt an easy decision, just go with what feels right. I think it is ok to decide and waiver a bit, these decisions are huge and cant be taken lightly. I just wanted you to know that I understand and I am thinking of you.

The Major's Wife said...

came across this post and thought of you, check it out

just a little encouragement on a cold day

mrsmuelly said...

I know how confusing the "next step" can be. Just deciding what to go forward with is exhausting. The thing that allowed me to keep moving toward a baby was that both DH and I were on the same page, I feared that the "fear" would take over me if we waited, and I felt like God put the IVF option in front of us for a reason. I'm not sure that makes sense, but I know that the two of you will make the right decision for you. I will pray that the clouds lift and the road becomes clear - whatever it may be.

The Gutsy Mom said...

I agree with mrsmuelly regarding God putting IVF, and nagging feelings for that matter, in front of you for a reason. I hope some of the questions marks disappear soon, so that you and TOIAW can move forward more easily.

Also, Z&T send their sympathies to PP. Whenever either one of them has had to wear The Lamp Shade Collar Thing we have had to rig serious add-ons (like packing tape and turtlenecks) to keep the cone on and to keep the other dog from "helping."