Monday, February 2, 2009

I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really, Really Want

Okay, so yeah, no real answers. The doctor was a bit odd but he did spend quite a bit of time with us and didn't rush us out the door which I suppose more or less makes up for the fact that he wrote and sent at least two emails while we were there. Also to his credit, he didn't give me the "it's not your fault" speech that, while appreciated, I'm way tired of hearing. He detailed the treatment regimen he would follow if I were ever his OB patient in the future. It was helpful, I guess. TOIAW said it best when he assessed the doctor's attitude as "unfortunately, babies are born early and die all the time" which is probably true but it doesn't happen to us all the time.

So, what next? Great question, I'm glad you asked. The doctor recommended waiting six months to try and--I think this is the part that set me over the edge--right now, given my medical history, he would not refer me to the military IVF program until we tried the natural way for at least six months. That was a big enough blow because I haven't gotten pregnant on my own for nearly two years and we were trying. No problem, so we could just pay $20k and go to a private IVF clinic. If that worked--and I really hope it would if we spent that much money--I would not be allowed to move with TOIAW. I already knew this part but, if I happened to fall pregnant (I love how the Brits use that term) while living in the mystery country, I would almost immediately be moved back to the US for close monitoring and proper care.

When we got in the car I fell silent and TOIAW did his best to coax me into telling him what I wanted to do. He assured me he would get me into the military IVF program if that's what I want or a private one if that's what I prefer. He's also fine with doing the natural thing. Honestly, I think that is his first choice because he thinks the only reason we did IVF was because of a time line I have*. Never mind that several doctors recommended it; he never bought into it but neither did he resist it too much either. So what do I want? I want to NOT move. I want to stay here and pursue IVF in July/August. I want to get pregnant again and I want to bring home a baby. I DON'T want to be the one suggesting my husband alter his career plans and ask to forgo his intended assignment. His current career path is one that will have us living outside the US many times for several years at a time so how does it look if, as we near the first assignment, he requests not to go because of his wife? This is my dilemma and it sucks.

*I do not have such a time line. If I did, it surely would have been thrown out the window by now considering we're three long years on in this baby journey.


The Major's Wife said...

oh I feel for you, it's rough always having your life's agenda seem to come second. Been there, well sort of, thinking of you!

Rachel said...

This sounds awful to have to deal not only with a doctor's appointment and advice that isn't what you want to hear, but then to immediately have to start reconciling that with your career and life plans. I really hope the two of you can figure out a solution that works for you as a couple. Just one full day living apart from my husband has made me appreciate what military wives do so much more.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that you are having to make these decisions and I know this isnt what you wanted to hear. I agree that you and your husband need to make the best decision for you as a couple. It is important that you guys come to an agreement and feel good baout it. I know it will be hard, but you guys can do it togteher.