Sunday, January 18, 2009

An Email I Had to Write Today

If you're reading this from blog land, you're probably just coming in on the middle of the story. The really short version is I went the hospital early last Sunday morning and discovered I was dilated to a 3-4 and had our baby girl a few hours later. She was tiny and early but amazingly strong and we had a great week with her. We never could have imagined it would end so soon...


Dear Friends,

I know this probably seems impersonal but right now it's the best way for us to inform you that our daughter, Sarah Abigail, went to heaven this morning. She was born 11 January 2009 at 10:53 am and died 18 January 2009 around 8:00 am. It seems she developed an infection and despite the tremendous fight she gave, she was just too tired. When it became apparent she wasn't going to make it, the doctors and nurses brought her into a room where TOIAW and I held her as she went to be with Jesus. I will never forget the beauty and peacefulness of her sweet face. I will never forget my precious Baby Sarah.

But, oh, how blessed we are to have had a wonderful week with her! I suppose some would not have wanted to have that, but we couldn't imagine it any other way. Actually, at one point last night we were told the situation was terribly grave and TOIAW and I made the decision to make her comfortable but when we got back to her bedside she was actually doing better which gave us a few more sweet hours to spend with her and to rest which made it easier to say good-bye.

The pain we have right now is beyond words. I have an actual pain in my chest (don't worry, I'm fine) that I can't help but think is my heart breaking. I keep thinking there is something I should be able to do to help ease the pain but I know there isn't. I guess that's the consequence of losing someone you loved so completely. I cling only to what I know:

1. God loves us and has a plan for TOIAW and me.
2. Our God is loving God and even though we don't know why He needed Sarah with Him, He is far more wise than we are.
3. We are loved beyond our wildest dreams and supported in prayer by friends around the world.

So we are clinging to each other. We want this to draw us closer rather than tear us apart. TOIAW is my biggest supporter when it comes to not blaming myself. I know we will get through this but I also know it's going to be tough. We're just going to ask God to grant us grace for the moment; we know He can and will sustain us for that's exactly what He's done this past week.

My parents left yesterday but will be here again tomorrow. We haven't made funeral arrangements but plan on just having something for TOIAW, me, and my parents. That probably won't make sense to everyone but we feel strongly it is what is best for us and Sarah. We promise to celebrate her life every day. A few people have asked how they can best memorialize our sweet girl and, in the absence of your favorite charity, we would love to have donations made in Sarah's name to
Fisher House.

Thank you again for your prayers, kind words of support, and love. You have no idea how much it means to us.

Much love,
TOIAW, Rachel, & Sarah

P.S. Rest has been rather elusive for us so if you're so inclined please pray that we will relax and get some rest tonight and in the coming days.

10 comments:

Tracy said...

Oh Rachel. I am so very, very sorry. You will all be in my prayers.

Rachel said...

Rachel, I am crying as I read this. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss of Sarah. You, TOIAW and Sarah will be in my prayers.

WiseGuy said...

Praying for you guys. Hope Sarah is in great peace.


~Hugs~

Mrs.Preppy said...

My heart broke when I read this. Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. Your family is in my prayers.

Kari said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that I am praying for you and your family.

Artblog said...

so so so sorry you only had a short time with her, so heartbreaking. much love and strength for you and your family.

Artblog

Soapchick said...

Rachel I am also so very sorry for your and TOIAW's loss of your beautiful daughter Sarah. If you need anything we are here for you. You and your husband are in my prayers.

Susi said...

Rachel, I'm having tears in my eyes. I'm so sorry. I was so sure your little girl was a fighter. I don't know what to say. You, your husband and Sarah are in my prayers.

Trish said...

I'm so sorry foryour loss..

Devon said...

i just found your blog from busted babymaker....i am so sorry about the loss of your sweet sarah.

i lost my twin boys in march at 23 weeks - they lived for 2 and 3 days - it gets easier and yet it gets worse. the functioning gets easier...you remember how to eat and get dressed, go shopping and pay bills....but the grief follows you and weighs like a heavy coat. and in some ways, the pain becomes more raw and real.

i am so sorry you are walking this journey...

just wanted you to know you aren't alone...