Thursday, December 11, 2008

Next Stop: Florida

Are you familiar with the saying The couple who shares generic Metamucil together, stays together? TOIAW doesn't find it all that funny, but I do and that's really all that matters. He probably doesn't think it's funny because at his one of his appointments a few days ago, the chief remedy for his ailment was fiber, fiber, fiber...and a minor--but I'm sure very uncomfortable--procedure next month. Thanks to some, ahem, issues I'm having the extra fiber is also coming in handy for me. And that, my friends, is why you can find us side-by-side every evening sipping our organic OJ and generic Metamucil. After I finish this post I'm going to write them and pitch a new ad campaign.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend TOIAW's first appointment the other day because I was waiting in line to park the car. I waited 45 minutes for it to be my turn and then had the following conversation with the parking attendant:

PA #1: "Lady, you can't park here. This is only for handicapped people."
Me: "Okay. Just curious, why didn't your colleague tell me that when he walked up to my window to tell me it would be a bit of a wait before there was a space available?"
PA #1: "I don't know. Yo (to his colleague), why you didn't tell her this was the handicapped line?"
PA #2 "No, Dawg, she's good. (to me) You're good, Ma'am, you gotta 'DV' on your plates for disabled veteran. You can park here."
Me: "But I'm not a disabled veteran and neither is my husband."
PA #2: "Was he hurt in the war or anything like that?"
Me: "Well, yes, actually but he's not disabled. He didn't even miss a day of work when he was injured." (I have no idea why I added this tidbit and, for the record, he should have missed work because the email he sent me while under the influence of pain medication was anything but coherent.)
PA #2: "See, Ma'am, you are just real honest and that's so great. Most people would just park here anyway. If you want to, it's okay, I'll authorize it."
Me: "Ummm, no, thank you. One day I might need one of these spots but today I don't. Could you please just tell me where the regular parking is? And, might I suggest you have better signs pointing people towards parking? Thank you."

What I didn't say is, "IF YOU WEREN'T ON YOUR PHONE AND WERE ACTUALLY PAYING ATTENTION, I WOULDN'T HAVE WASTED SO MUCH TIME!" Nor did I mention that I'm quite sure he doesn't have the authority to authorize a lunch break much less illegal parking.

Once I got inside the clinic/hospital, though, I longed for the solitude of the car. This place is a mad house! The individual clinics were nice and orderly but the common areas were crowded chaos. We will have the chance to experience it all several more times because TOIAW was approved for a nose job! I told him he could be like the women in Iran who were bandages on their noses as a status symbol. He didn't seem interested. Bless his heart, because I outed him on his snoring, he also has to do a sleep apnea test even though the doctor confirmed both his nasal passages are more than forty percent blocked and that is the most likely culprit. When they're done with him, he'll be like-new!

You know, between the two of us we have an inordinate amount of doctor's appointments. I have two next week, in fact. Retirement is going to be great because it will give us a chance to schedule appointments anytime rather than having to do so around pesky things like work. I'm just a little worried that we are getting old before our time. For example, in addition to our vigorous doctor schedule, we had dinner the other night at 4:30 and I was asleep before 7...but not before I had my generic Metamucil!


Kari said...

Oh, that is too funny!

You'll have to keep us posted on his nose procedure. I really think I should go see an ENT myself, the right side of my nose is stopped up almost 100% of the time and it's so annoying. I think I'm too chicken, though.

Enjoy your metamucil cocktails!

The Gutsy Mom said...

At least your husband will actually go to see a doctor regarding his ailments. Mine refuses, mostly because he won't admit he has any ailments.

Also, I love Metamucil. And that is way more lame than going to bed at 7:00pm.