Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Wishin' & Hopin' & Thinkin' & Prayin'

I'm trying so hard not to breakdown right now. Nothing else has happened, I'm just finding it difficult to remain happy and positive. Frankly, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, but why? Nothing has changed from yesterday yet I'm really struggling. Friday seems like forever away. I'm struggling with thoughts like, "I had a miscarriage a week after I arrived in Germany; how ironic that I may have another one the week I leave." I challenge you to find a more negative statement than that.

Something that does concern me is that I haven't been as nauseous lately. I mean I don't keep a journal of symptoms but Sunday was fairly mild as I recall and yesterday it was almost impossible to distinguish between nausea and nerves. Today, however, I've got nothing.

As of last week, I'm only taking progesterone shots twice a week and today was my day. I'm finding it difficult to muster the strength to do anything (even though I slept nearly 12 hours last night). I'm so tired I feel like it's difficult for me to carry on conversations!

Oh, and while I'm on a roll here with the complaining, I'll also mention that I have ovarian pain. I'm pretty familiar with ovarian pain so I'm pretty sure that's what it is but I think every woman knows what that kind of pain can mean during pregnancy. If you don't, keep it that way and be glad.

This concludes my very depressing post. Who knows, I may be back later with a happy post thus giving you even more evidence that I suffer from some sort of personality disorder.


Tracy said...

I'm so sorry...I wish things could be easier for you.

I hope you have nothing but more reassuring news in your immediate future.

The Gutsy Mom said...

I'm hanging in there with you, for you. I am so sorry it is not easier for you.

Kari said...

I'm sending you my prayers!