Monday, September 1, 2008

In Limbo

What the hCG value should be if they had doubled every 48 hours: 1500
What my hCG values actually were: 1161

Well, I suppose when I look at it on a chart, it doesn't look so bad (little known fact: I'm a big fan of charts). When I heard the number in the doctor's office, I could hardly keep it together. Actually, I didn't keep it together. Not even a little bit. The doctor and nurse were able to witness and nice little marital spat because I was upset (you know, having done my googling beforehand) even though the doctor didn't find it alarming. TOIAW is unfailingly optimistic. At times, it's super annoying. Initially today was one of those times but now I'm rather thankful for it because if we were both doomy and gloomy that would be too much.

I was hoping for better, darn it! I wanted to have perfectly doubling values. I wanted everthing to be better than normal. Is that so much to ask for? Just ONE time? Although I suppose if I only got to use that wish one time, I wouldn't use it today but you know what I mean. Ugh. So now we go back Friday for an ultrasound which should tell us everything we need to know but, with my luck. it won't and we'll have to play the wait and see game longer.

I'm currently a little drained thanks to my emotional breakdown earlier. Just thought I would give you all an update.

I just got off the phone with my sister-in-law who kindly talked me down from the edge. Thanks, M! She had an excellent point that the vast majority of women with normal pregnancies do not have their hCG levels monitored so the data out there is rather lacking. She made me confess that even if my levels had been a perfect 1500, I still would have been disappointed that they werern't the 2,600+ 'normal' level (for 24 dpo) that's often quoted on infertility websites (that study consisted of 53 participants, by the way). Even if the doctor had told me she wasn't sure -- and she didn't say that at all -- I would still have to wait until the ultrasound Friday. I am choosing to have HOPE and FAITH until then.


Mrs.Preppy said...

I really hope that things on Friday go well. I am sure you are going crazy waiting until then! I know I would be absolutely nuts waiting 4 more days. Thinking about you...

The Gutsy Mom said...

I'd be going crazy with the waiting, too. But I am so glad you are in a place of HOPE and FAITH right now. Right there with you, sister.