Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Mercy: Give a Little

We've been home since Saturday evening and I'm just now blogging. Suffice it to say I've been a bit resistant to getting back into the swing of things. I think the worst is behind me, though, and I have gotten quite a bit accomplished around the house. I've begun the purging process that accompanies every move (we're shipping our things in July and flying out in September) which I find very theraputic if for no other reason than I am whittling down the number of items that will need to find a place to live in our new place to live.

Emotionally I'm doing pretty well. Obviously I am forced to deal with things more at home than I was on vacation but I am much more relaxed and recharged which helps. Mothers' Day was kind of hard but I attribute that more to my first miscarriage being two years ago on Mothers' Day. I did have a bit of a cry yesterday, however. I'll tell you the story: There are two blogs I read that are written by women who have lost their babies. One woman lost her twins when they were born early and the other lost her daughter when she didn't wake-up from her nap. Both happened quite recently so they are still very much in the throes of grief. I've never said anything to anyone about these blogs (maybe TOIAW but there's only a very slim chance that he was paying attention) but in my head I've always judged one harsher than the other because her blog is so bitter and I am--I hate to use this word, but I think it fits--angry at her for not being thankful for what she does have rather than spending her days focusing on her loss and what she would have, could have, should have had. Harsh? I know. The other blog, by contrast, is filled with faith, grace, and a joyful spirit. I know she is hurting, duh, but she trusts God and draws great comfort in her faith. Okay, so yesterday I was in the car and I once again thought about how thankful I am to have my faith. I didn't think, "Thank you, Lord, for giving me faith," I thought, "Well, thank goodness I have faith." Big difference. About ten minutes later a song came on, Natalie Grants' Held. God spoke so clearly to my heart during the opening lines of the song. He told me to have a little mercy and compassion. I had to pull off to the side of road while I weeped for both of these hurting women and for myself. It was the first time I've really cried since the night my mom called and told me Grandma had died. It was raw and it felt so good. He hold us. He holds all of us who are hurting and even though not everyone embraces Him, He is still there. Praise Him!

I really do have some good blogging stories for you. Once I get my chores done, I may find time to write one or at least a Spain recap with some I promised the last time we went to Spain but I never delivered. Speaking of promises, I promised TOIAW homemade blueberry muffins for tomorrow (since he leaves at 0530, they'll have to made today) and pecan pie for dessert tonight. That's me, the Happy Haus Frau...

1 comment:

soapchick said...

I'm glad that God spoke to you....or rather you listened. That has happened to me before as well - driving in the car- and a song comes on that is totally from God.

Looking forward to hearing your stories from Spain.