Wednesday, April 23, 2008

It's Thursday...

...which means it's time for a good hysterical crying fit. Headache and swollen eyes included at no additional charge.

I called my dad this morning when I woke-up. My grandmother's situation is deterierating. They discovered a 2x2cm infection on the lead to her pacemaker which is too large to treat with antibiotics and surgery is also not an option. She has been moved to a heart hospital and is very comfortable there. It is an outstanding facility. She has not mentioned dying since Sunday but it now looks inevitable that it will be soon. But soon is a relative term. I am so confused about what to do. The cardiologist they met with yesterday refused to provide a timeline and wanted to consult with colleagues about a treatment plan, if any. I have already made the decision to go only for the funeral or when the end is very near. That probably sounds selfish, cruel, and harsh but I cannot make one trip to say good-bye and another for the funeral nor can I just go and stay until the end. Another complication is our scheduled trip to Spain. Do we cancel and wait here for the phone call? Do I go and hope I can get out quickly if I need to? I just don't know what is the best. I'm praying there will be some information given today that will help provide some guidance.

This morning TOIAW said he was was bummed we might not get to spend a week alone together [in Spain] but that he's totally onboard with whatever we need to do. Unfortunately, I heard something like, "Your grandmother should pick a better time to die." Are we the only ones who have these time-space continuum anomlaies that lead to gross misunderstandings? He went to a conference today and I cannot speak to him although we did "make-up" quickly before he left. I was crying too hysterically to say anything he could understand but I think he got the basic message.

The follow-up appointment with my doctor went pretty well. I need to make some phone calls this morning regarding the perspective new plan but I'll post about that later. Look for a title that says "Ugly American" because I'm afraid that's how I am going to appear.


Tracy said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. About your grandma, about your husband's unfortunate comment...about everything. You're having a rough stretch, that's for sure.

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. And of course you're a bit on edge, it's been a super-tough past week. I hope you take the time to pamper yourself and eat chocolates and start to feel a little better before you have to go say goodbye to your grandmother.