Friday, October 12, 2007

Don't Go Messin' With My Dawg

My evening was going really well; TOIAW's brother couldn't make it to our house due to a train strike (I swear I had nothing to do with it but, nevertheless, Power to the People) so TOIAW drove to Munich and I don't have to participate until tomorrow, Survivor is on tonight, and I'm alone so I have unfettered Internet access...sounds good, huh?

Not too long after TOIAW left, the doorbell rang. I answered it to see this huge African-American man standing there. He asked if my husband was home and I said no. He asked where he was and when he would be home. Because of what the man was wearing, I could tell who he was and where he falls in the pecking order around here (I'm sure you can figure out why we live here but I don't want to actually say it) and let's just say he falls a smidgen higher than TOIAW so I tell him everything he wants to know and ask if I can help him. He said he needed to talk to my husband "neighbor to neighbor" before he has to escalate things to a bunch of people whose names I don't recognize but who I assume are also above both of them in the pecking order.

Okay, would you please mind telling me WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT? He says my dog, Princess Poopsalot, jumped on his wife today. Yeah, she did, I saw her and I agree that it was totally inappropriate. This is how it went down: TOIAW was obsessively cleaning the car (as per standard operating procedure) which was in it's parking spot about three steps from out front door. I opened the door to ask him a question and while we were talking someone walked out of the neighbor's house (we'll call this neighbor Nice Neighbor, NN). I heard the NN's voice and assumed she was outside so I didn't think much when PP went over there because NN always wants to pet and talk to PP. Only NN didn't walk out but Long Blonde Hair Neighbor (LBHN) did. PP did jumped on LBHN the way dogs jump on people to play. While it was not malicious, it was by no means right and it really bothered me because I thought we had conquered that particular bad-behavior issue. I immediately told PP NO and called her into the house. She immediately came in with her ears down knowing what she had done wrong. LBHN had said to her, very sweetly, "no, don't jump on me" and then went on to exchange a few how-are-you words with TOIAW but I didn't participate in that because I was disciplining PP. Obviously I was mortified that the incident upset her so much and I apologized to her husband, asked if she was okay, and then apologized again for the fact that I didn't apologize to her at the time. He kind of stopped and said, "So you saw it happen?" I said yes and I understand why he wants to speak with TOIAW and I would have him go over as soon as he gets home, I thanked him for speaking to us first before escalating the issue, blah, blah, blah. I really thought we were on the same page and I was genuinely upset that PP had frightened LBHN.

He just kept going on and on and on and I kept apologizing. He then said that this was clearly part of a pattern because his wife told him PP had recently knocked over a 3-year-old neighborhood child and was frequently ran around off a leash. I told him I was unaware of these incidents and asked who the child was and where PP was seen running wild. He had no details. By this point, I really just wanted him to leave. I must admit I was secretly cursing TIOAW wondering why he was so lax with PP when I was not around. Then he said this, "A German Shepherd who pins a grown woman to the ground and gets in her face is a serious threat." Ummmm, duh...oh, wait, are you talking about MY dog? He was...

I had to force myself to close my mouth. I told him that was NOT the incident I witnessed. I was horrified. Beyond horrified. I told him that was COMPLETELY unacceptable behavior and I started to get a little emotional. He only lectured me for a little longer before taking his leave.

What was TOIAW thinking when he failed to mention that this happened? How could he let PP jump on this already traumatized woman a second time in one day? When he answered his phone I could hardly speak!!! I finally asked him what happened and his response? What are you talking about?

It's too late to make this long story short, but let me just say LBHN is a Liar, Liar All Your Bad Bleach Job Hair Is On Fire! I immediately lost it (I'm going to blame the latest round of fertility meds for that) and couldn't talk for several minutes. How dare she! I am so upset...I'm better than I was but I'm just completely flabbergasted. I have been around this organization long enough that nothing really surprises me anymore but occasionally I can still be shocked and, believe me, I was shocked! And then hurt because who makes up lies and then sends their husband dressed in full battle rattle to fight for your honor? Does he not pay attention to you otherwise? You know, that's your shtick, but must you involve me...and my dog?!

My plan: I'm going to go over to her house tomorrow and make sure she is okay. The Southern accent will probably come along and I might even bring some baked goods. I'm going to tell her I am oh so sorry for not having noticed that my dog had her pinned to the ground even though I was standing no more than eight feet from her. I will assure her that nothing like this will never EVER happen again. I would have gone tonight but since I think it was completely inappropriate for her husband to come to my door at 7:45 and talk to me for more than 15 minutes, I'm not going to do that to her. In any event, I'm sure she was taking a hot bath or something to help get over her traumatic day.

Meanwhile, my vicious German Shepherd is laying perfectly calm next to me. At some point--and this was while he was talking (which was most of the time)--she let out a loud sigh and put her head on the floor. Is it bad that wish she would have jumped on him?

No comments: