Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Too Much?

I've heard these words often in the past 10-ish days. As in, "Oh, Rachel, that's too much. Hasn't your family been through enough?" I'm not sure how to reply because, you know, things could always be worse.

So you're probably wondering why I've heard those words. Well, a few hours after TOIAW, Sunshine, and I left after Thanksgiving, my mom had what they thought was a stroke. It turns out she has a mass in her brain that is likely a tumor. She's out of the hospital and home now. Sunshine and I have moved back to take care of her. We were planning on moving here in mid-January but those plans were bumped up. We won't know much until the first week in January (at least we hope we won't...if we know something before then, it's unlikely to be anything good). We cancelled our family trip to Disney World. My mom was going to go with all her grandchildren but we'll still be together. Dealing with the doctors is insanely frustrating.

I'm so very, very scared but this is the only time of day I allow myself to admit it. Every night I wonder if she goes into her room and is as scared and alone as I am. I sure do miss my dad but I don't really let myself go there because the one time I did, I realized she must miss him infinitely more than I do. Being a grown up really stinks sometimes.

Please, don't take my mom. I think it really would be too much.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Time Machine

If I could go back in time one year I would tell my pregnant self that even though Sunshine (or Kicky, as I knew her then) was only going to measure in the 21st percentile at my ultrasound the next day, not to worry because at both her 6- and 9-month appointments she would also be in the 21st percentile. Funny how that works, huh?

I would still encourage myself, however, to order flowers for myself as a treat because they really brightened my room and they smelled wonderful.

Wow, do I love that baby!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Why didn't I figure this out earlier?

I just downloaded the blogger app...I didn't even know there was such a thing. So cool!

Anyway, I'm sitting in the car waiting for Sunshine to wake up so I can go into my OB's office and pick-up my medical records. Being in this part of town sure does bring back a lot of emotion. Just driving into the parking garage made me teary. It will be strange to leave and not call/text 3-5 people telling them how my appointment went. Next week Sunshine will be 9 months old and the next day will mark the one year anniversary of going into the hospital. Wow, what a huge year it's been!

She's awake now so I'll leave you with a recent pic...

Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Pinterest Post

Lately I've been spending my evenings tooling around on Pinterest finding yummy recipes, craft projects, and decorating ideas. Last week I made a casserole TOIAW loved which is really saying something because he hates casseroles. [I think he liked this one because I made my own "cream" sauce rather than using canned creamofwhatever soup. It was really good, I must say.] I've also pinned some really cute craft projects and I've tried a couple of those as well. But what I really love are the decorating ideas.

We have a nice, sturdy, comfortable medium brown leather couch and love seat. It's practical for us because I never have to worry about the leather getting dirty and it's good quality so the dogs don't scratch it, etc. We also a 20+ year old hand-me-down arm chair that still looks great and darker brown entertainment center and coffee, sofa, and end tables which were all purchased while I was on bed rest. TOIAW went shopping and sent me pictures and that's how I chose them. I wouldn't recommend this approach to you, by the way. Anyway, we also have a kitchen table that was mine in my mid-twenties and no formal dining room furniture.

We thought about (okay, I'm probably the only one who really thought about it) buying a more formal kitchen table but I didn't. There's actually a store here that sells gorgeous, solid bare wood furniture at reasonable prices but I'm not sure when I could/would tackle the project of finishing the pieces if I went that route.

Sorry, this is an extremely dull stream-of-consciousness post...I'll get to the point.

How do I find my decorating style when I move all the time? This summer when I visited the Gutsy Family in their GORGEOUS new home, I noticed several pieces of furniture that had been in their home in Germany. I don't ever feel like my things "fit" like that; it seems like we always have an unfinished look. But I have vowed to take what I have and make it work when we move to D.C. By golly, it is going to be a homey home for all of us! We are not going to live like transients even if we are only going to be there for a year. Pictures and decor will adorn the walls. There! Will! Be! COLOR! I'm a creative person, I can do this. I have got to stop feeling paralyzed by the frequent moves and choose a style that will work in most spaces. It's going to be so cute...I can't wait!

But didn't I say the same thing about this house?

P.S. None of my decorating, by the way, will work once we move to Mystery Country #2. The Employer offers two furniture styles 1) the George-and-Martha-Washington-are-coming-for-dinner Colonial reproduction look and 2) the we-went-to-a-nice-furniture-store-and-bought-the-display-for-you look. The first is look is likely being phased out and the second look (what we had in MC#1) is very nice but accent-wise I have nothing to go with it. Oh well, we can jump off that bridge when we get to it.

Friday, October 14, 2011


I has 'em.

Prior to TOIAW's next "big" assignment, he will need to complete some training in the D.C. area. We'll be there for about a year. I've known for several months that we would likely be living there but ever since I found out that's the next stop on the JWIAW Family's world tour, it's a different story. I've had several mini-panic attacks in the past 36 hours. I think of a place we visited--either frequently or just once--and then I think, "I was pregnant when I was there," or, "I was sad when I was there," and sometimes it's both. To be frank, it's awful. I cried today during the bubble time at Sunshine's music class. The wonder in her eyes as she watched the bubbles was so sweet and I just began crying but it wasn't because of the sweetness of the moment (which is what the other moms thought, I think), it was because I missed Sarah so much at that moment. I wanted both of my babies there...

Surprisingly, I don't have many of these moments. I think about Sarah, talk about her, miss her, and [often] cry every day but it's not in the same way as it has been the past 36 hours. I guess this makes sense and, considering the fact that it made me cry to see Michelle Obama shop at the same Target where I shopped for Sarah and went to buy waterproof mascara the night before her memorial service, none of this should be a shock to me. But it was. I hate it when grief blindsides me like that. It should wear a bell so I can hear it coming.

Monday, October 10, 2011


TOIAW: I guess everyone is doing this feather thing since Taylor Swift did it. I don't know though, it's probably just a trend.

Me: What are you talking about?

TOIAW: The feather thing Taylor Swift has.

Me: Where?

TOAIW: What do you mean 'where'? They're everywhere.

Me: I mean where do they put the extensions? I guess I haven't seen them.

TOIAW: (slightly exasperated) In hair, Rachel. It's a hair extension. Haven't you seen it? There are plenty of girls at school who have them and I just saw someone getting them put in their hair when I was getting a haircut. For $5 they will adjust it when your hair grows out.

Me: If it's not the rage with babies, I probably don't know about it. Sorry. I'll try to be cool again one day. Until then, I'll rely on you to be my link to the pulse of young women.

You know, because that's so important to me...